By the time you turn 30 you should have at least one of the following:
1. A drawer full of random cords
2. Tupperware with half the lids
missing
3. Anxiety
4. A collection of plastic bags full
of other plastic bags
5. Sleep deprivation
Dear America. We have your president. If you do not send us $30,000,000, in unmarked bills, by 2000 hours BST on Friday, we will let him return to you.
You know, when I said I wanted the real world to be more like Harry Potter I just meant the teleportation and the magic stuff, not the entire plot of book 5 where the government refuses to do anything about a deadly threat so the teenagers have to rise up and fight back.