Ben Van Der Velde

Half-man, Half-beast, Half-Mop. Terrible at fractions. Helmsman @goodshipcomedy. Trivial beast @WorstFoot

Photo (c) Andy Hollingworth Archive

[Georgina Lee @lee_georgina]

UK exit polls: bing bong, here’s the prime minister

US exit polls: is it better to be loved or feared? Give your answer to the nearest cubit

[gwen howerton @kissphoria]

if kamala wins jimmy carter is going to die like yoda in return of the jedi immediately after

[Ben Van Der Velde @VanderLaugh]

@joshuaseigal Bullseye

[Ben Van Der Velde @VanderLaugh]

The inheritance of 14 years of Tory philistinism.

Let's fix it. Open more libraries, make sure every school has one.

[Guardian Books @GuardianBooks]

Report finds ‘shocking and dispiriting’ fall in children reading for pleasure https://t.co/6HIcf5ovdw

[Stephen Ford @StephenSeanFord]

indiana jones fucking up nazis for two minutes

[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez @AOC]

Buenos días ☕️ this is the energy

[Sam Whyte @samwhyte]

The decimation of libraries probably affects under 5s - the age where reading for pleasure is established - more than any other group. Books for little kids are short and expensive, but you used to be able to go to a library and take 5 different ones home every week.

[lindsay littleson @ljlittleson]

As @frankcottrell_b says in the article, the solution is in our hands. Stop closing libraries. Retain school librarians and employ many more. Fund author visits to schools. Publishers, stop throwing cash at celebrities and focus instead on engaging young readers. We can fix this.

[Ben Van Der Velde @VanderLaugh]

@PeteOtway She's predicting the result of the US election. And it looks good. Go easy on her.

[Ben Van Der Velde @VanderLaugh]

@1AaronPaul @AFCWimbledon Gross.

Always delighted to hear your enthusiastic, authoritative voice on the air waves.

[Ben Van Der Velde @VanderLaugh]

A depressingly accurate thread about Trump and his supporters. He cannot win.

[Nigel Planer @NigelPlaner1]

Apropos of nothing. Zilch. Nada.

[Ben Van Der Velde @VanderLaugh]

This is properly lovely

[FPL Zh0u (Joe) 🇲🇾 @ZhouFPL]

Nottingham Forest invited Warriors United, a learning disability football team, for a press conference, as part of Down Syndrome Awareness month.

Look at how Nuno answers their questions. What a man. ❤️

Credits: Sky Sports

[Adam Schwarz @AdamJSchwarz]

I've been asked what my favourite commentary is on the budget and it's unquestionably this exchange.

[Ben Van Der Velde @VanderLaugh]

@Dannythefink Bloody hell. I did not expect such a sharp and unpleasant turn, especially in a debate that requires empathy and nuance.

What a monstrous bellend.

[Sam Freedman @Samfr]

It's kind of incredible that Barack Obama can be one of the best political speakers we've seen this century and still not be the best speaker in his own family.

[Carl Gardner @carlgardner]

You don't have to be any sort of leftwinger, or even centrist, or at all anti-American (the opposite, in fact) to see support for Trump as a red line in British politics. All of these people must be kept away from achieving or regaining power.

[Ben Van Der Velde @VanderLaugh]

@TheNewsAtGlenn Very welcome Sir Glenn Root.

[Ben Van Der Velde @VanderLaugh]

@IanDunt Not to beatify Lennon, but the bit where he gets tired of all the stoner philosophizing, cuts to the chase and offers him a bite to eat is so heartening. Bollocks to this lad, come and have a cuppa.