Venus Elliot

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

Let's just take a moment to acknowledge that TEENAGERS have been more productive in effecting social change in a week than the "adults" in Congress have been in the past decade.

Fuck yes. Power to the (pubescent) people!

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

"I need to manifest dick and a job."

- Real things my friends say

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

I suppose Elon Musk test drove his Tesla in space bc the only people who will be colonizing Mars are those who can afford said Tesla. The rest of us poor fucks will be left to burn here, stuck in traffic in our '98 Hondas, in this Super Mall Big Mac inferno once known as Earth.

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

You guys hold the secrets to the universe right?

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

No I'm not hungry but maybe if I keep chewing on these crackers I'll burn calories & get hungry & then start to enjoy the crackers.

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

Why would I watch Black Mirror when I can just watch the nightly news?

[Jess Dweck @TheDweck]

Me when I say I’m five minutes away

[Mark Agee @MarkAgee]

Whenever I ask someone “How are you doing?” and they respond “Well” instead of “Good” I’m like “Oh fuck I’m surprised they let you leave Harvard without making you the dean”

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

I suppose I'll never find out my ancestry bc @23andMe says you can't eat for 30 mins before the test.

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

Relationship status: changes morning green yoga pants into evening blue yoga pants.

[Noodles @Dawn_M_]

Age 10: I'm going to be a rockstar
Age 20: I might learn an instrument someday
Age 30: I hope a piano lands on me

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

Tell me, what is this “serving size” of which you speak?

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

@AjitPaiFCC @WSJopinion I too am a part of @verizon and plan to drop them due to their support of this plan. @AjitPaiFCC your proposal is disgraceful. Greed like yours is destroying this country.

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

*Brings a book to bed* *Puts on glasses* *Opens Twitter*

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

Shopping for plants while stoned is like going to the market hungry. All of the leaves are speaking to me, asking to be chosen for my window.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

I don’t even have a Plan A.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

A year ago today, I officially forsook all of thee.

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

“I always have the best dreams after I’ve eaten a lot of cheese.”

Dinner conversations with friends.

[Venus Elliot @venuselliot]

Don’s like a chick who stole your man & brags about it on social media w couples selfies & #chemistry #mine #allhis except the man in this situation is a foreign enemy & a murderer & is def not brag-worthy. https://t.co/dnC5QSDHqJ

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Does the Fake News Media remember when Crooked Hillary Clinton, as Secretary of State, was begging Russia to be our friend with the misspelled reset button? Obama tried also, but he had zero chemistry with Putin.