Mayor Garner St John

Mayor of the great Town of Verne, which is way too awesome to show up on any map.

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

@RepDonaldsPress @SpeakerMcCarthy And I, for one, am looking forward to a SOTU speech that doesn't include giving the Medal of Freedom to a homophobic, mysogenistic, racist blowhard.

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

@NBCNews I guess there was no room at the Texas inn. How Christian of them.

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

@CBSNews Cotton continued: “We have an immediate imperative to find out if Judge Jackson likes beer. If she breaks down and cries while talking about beer, all the better.”

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

@KimReynoldsIA Great speech last night, Gov. Palin! You sure did own them libs!

#GOPlies

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

The nonprofit, nonpartisan Verne Commission on Mayoral Debates has always been against me. They let me say whatever stupid thing pops into my head. Unfair!
https://t.co/UaTxayAKk2

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

@ChuckGrassley Chuckles, I thought you were ok with “smash-and-grab” jobs???

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

@WHO13news ISU says game was rigged, that they actually scored hundreds of uncounted points, and their lawyers have evidence of massive fraud.

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

@ZerlinaShow @FawnWeaver Uncle Nearest Whiskey is flat-out amazing. Get a bottle fast. Thank you @FawnWeaver

https://t.co/T27UmBFrO3

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

I wonder if Dale Brumhold, new owner of the Donut Shack here in Verne (I preferred previous owner George “Pinky” Dalrymple), will honor this glorious day? The last time I demanded free donuts there was a major investigation.

#FreeDonuts https://t.co/mgmkUhKeI3

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

@nataliejohnsonn @BarryBulat @RepNancyMace Not impacted financially?? You’re acting like their budgets are only used for their office space. They will get these funds directly to the orgs that desperately need them - and yes, more funds are needed during Covid for the arts, seems like we agree on that!

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

@nataliejohnsonn @BarryBulat @RepNancyMace Example - when you say “the arts” you’re aware that nonprofit arts orgs generate $166.3 billion per year, and $27.5 billion in federal, state and local taxes? “The Arts” have literally been shut down by COVID. It’s a lie to say helping them has nothing to do with Covid relief.

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

In related news, Chuck is also mad at “those damn hippies”, “gol-durned longhairs” and “crazy pinkos all whacked out on pep pills”.
#ThinksItIs1968

[Chuck Grassley @ChuckGrassley]

Perfect example why u can’t trust Chinese commies They sign agreement w England to take over Hong Kong’97and preserve its autonomy til 2047 NOW CCP will pass national security law in effect taking control VIOLATING AUTONOMY/WHY NO OUTCRY FR PM JOHNSON/ Boris!!

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

I asked my doctor if I should take hydroxychloroquine, considering the current state of my physical/ mental health and my love of donuts. He punched me in the face.
#HippocraticOath

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

A more direct and easily applied way would be to drink hand sanitizer, but hey, I’m no genius.

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

@misskilpy You must get your own donuts. I’m not a shipping clerk. 🍩

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

How can I make this more clear? We have a stockpile of donuts at Town Hall. It’s ours. We will share it as needed to the donut-deprived, but every able-bodied citizen of Verne is ultimately responsible for his-her-their own donuts.
#Leadership
#StableGenius

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

Folks, when I let the great resident of Verne, My Nightie Night Blankie™️ guy Dale Dalrymple, hug and kiss me full on the lips during my daily briefing, it was under the full supervision of Verne Town Doctor Eddie “Fast Hands” Henderson. Everyone relax.
#SweetWordsOfPraise

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

Look, when I said Tiny Dan’s Taco Shack should be reopened by Easter Sunday, I meant I expected my colon to be sufficiently recovered from my last visit to Tiny Dan’s and I’d be ready to consume more tacos. It was aspirational.
#PoliticalTapDancing
#TacoSunday
#Presidential

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

Sorry I’ve been a little absent friends, I’ve been busy yelling at the Verne Press-Dispatch for reading my quotes back to me verbatim and asking me to be responsible for what I say. So unfair!
#LamestreamMedia
#LamePolitician

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

@misskilpy I’ve already finished them. Going to be another long night.

[Mayor Garner St John @votegarner]

I’m self-isolating in my office in Verne Town Hall. Slept here last night after finishing the bottle of Schnapps that Jerry Haverkamp left here during the holidays. In other words, it’s a typical Wednesday.