I told my spiritual father I was having trouble caring anymore because my orthodoxy has been an endless series of failures with no attainable goal in sight. And he just said, welcome to the spiritual life.
There is someone you have not forgiven. Not because you are cruel, but because forgiving them feels like saying it was fine. Like letting them walk away with it while you keep carrying the weight.
Fr. Chad Ripperger, an exorcist, saw something in a church that he says should end that worry for good.
Chris Stefanick asked him if he had ever been afraid during an exorcism. Apart from the nerves of his very first one, he said, only once. A demon would not obey, so he prayed silently:
"SO I MENTALLY SAID TO GOD THE FATHER, YOU KNOW, PUNISH HIM IN A WAY THAT HE'S NEVER BEEN PUNISHED BEFORE."
The possessed woman went down onto the floor. Then:
"SHE CHANGED INTO THE SHAPE OF A MAN, LOOKED LIKE A MAN, BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY THE FULL MANIFESTATION OF WHAT THIS DEMON ACTUALLY LOOKED LIKE."
The demon screamed. Fr. Ripperger says it was not even loud, BUT IT LITERALLY SHOOK THE CHURCH PHYSICALLY.
And that is not what frightened him.
"WHAT SCARED ME WAS IS THAT LOOKING IN HIS FACE, I COULD SEE THE SEVERITY OF GOD'S JUSTICE, AND THAT'S WHAT CAUSED FEAR."
Here is why he tells that story. He said people hold back forgiveness because they think they are letting someone off the hook. His answer:
"YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT, YOU KNOW, FORGIVING SOMEBODY."
No punishment we could ever hand out, he said, comes close to what he saw in that face.
"GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF IT. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT."
So forgiving is not pretending it was fine. Justice is real, and it is not your job. You are only putting down something that was never yours to carry.
Forgiving also does not mean going back. You do not have to trust them, call them, or let them near you or your children again. It is between you and God.
Tonight, say their name once. Fifteen seconds, out loud, even if your voice shakes:
"Lord, I forgive [name]. I do not want to carry what they did anymore. I hand them, and everything they owe, over to You. Your justice is enough. Have mercy on them, and on me. Amen."
The anger may come back tomorrow. That does not mean it did not work. Just say it again.
👇 One word if you handed that name to God tonight: GIVEN.
— Father Chad Community
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou amongst women
And Blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners now
and at the hour of our death.
Amen