Mike Carter

chasing bad habits

[Psyberdelic @Psyberdelic_]

I broke up with the first girl I ever fingered and she spread a rumor at school that I was gay, so I told everyone her pussy stank. Guess which rumor stuck? - Signed, Faggot.

[rune sword @runesword1]

mogged? brother, back in my day you were pwned

[brewster @brewsternova]

Nobody bools anymore. In high school everyone was booling

[dakotaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa @pnko]

do wat i want .com

[birds' hell @saturnalreturn]

yeah, well, not according to my warped perception of reality

[tatum @planetgraves]

I am bound to fucking off. I love to fuck off more than anything

[Tyler durden @Redlite0_0]

Online Dating wasn’t even a thing when Zapp and Roger made “Computer Love” so what was they talking bout?

[Pukicho @pukicho]

My child will not be allowed to use chat gpt. He will be smarter and stronger than the other children and he will kill them easily.

[A ৻ꪆ @doemisu]

Woman re-reads diary and realizes she’s an unreliable and frightened narrator

[hb @h3xenbrenner2]

(nonchalantly eating an apple) see your problem is that you've made 4000 consecutive incorrect decisions

[charlie @chunkbardey]

it’s so amazing when you’re handwriting and you get to a word with two t’s and you get to do one big line across for both of them. life can be amazing occasionally though also still very painful

[Darth Erogenous @darth_erogenous]

Told my doctor I was depressed and he asked me if I’d thought about killing myself. Hell of a piece of medical advice but here goes nothing

[the hype @TheHyyyype]

[driving]

WIFE: gross, did you see the roadkill back there?

ME [scared]: did i see the road kill what?

[wint @dril]

My dick is wearing a neck brace

[b @bradleex]

we’re broke kourtney https://t.co/MOf4opMywB