WaterCoolerTalk

Random funny things my coworkers say… and occasionally things I’m caught saying.

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

@wsvn There’s no way this will work for every school district considering the shortage of bus drivers. The buses and their capabilities dictate school start times. The only way for this to work is to put middle & high school students on the same bus then make back to back drop-offs.

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

Recently a patient flagged me down and said, “Hey… I’ve got a headache. Can you ask someone to get me a Quaalude?” I wanted to ask him if he was a time traveler from the past. #thewolfofwallstreet #the80s

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

Me doing #TheOffice themed crossword at the nurses’ station: What’s a 4-letter word for man’s greatest weakness? “It’s gotta be eyes… Because the eyes are the groin of the head!” Aaaaaaand I realize a doctor is literally walking by as this statement is leaving my mouth. 🤦‍♀️

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

A coworker after reading through recent arrests: “Why don’t more people just get into midget porn instead of all this nasty pedophile stuff? It’s basically the same thing, just legal. Dress ‘em up in costumes and whatever.” #mugshots

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

@WPTV FUCK @GovRonDeSantis #hopeyougetcovid

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

@Mike24594778 @Albert1049 @JoeBiden Bot. 🤖

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

@aplusk Somebody made AK mad and he’s putting them on blast. 😂😂😂

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

They say I'm bad at parking “Much like drunk driving, you don’t have to be straight, you just have to stay between the lines.” #inapropriate

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

"Our district had a special school for bad kids and pregnant girls." -- my boss #shitmybosssays #badkids #pregnantgirls #16andpregnant

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

"Every person I’ve ever known named Jared was a dodo." -- my boss #shitmybosssays #jared #stupidnames #babynames #dodobirds #babyboy

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

We told him it’s because there’s too much porn in his cookies… Google’s like, “He’s gonna LOVE these!!" #Google

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

Boss was looking for promo items that we can give to customers and Google suggested these boob shaped stress balls: http://t.co/7LjPBr4BAy

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

I told my boss I'm going to see 50 Shades of Grey this weekend & he said, "Uh-oh... better wear non-slip shoes!" #50ShadesOfGrey #50shades

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

"If you ever want to impress a lady, dress like Dexys Midnight Runners in overalls with no shirt.” @DexysOfficial #ComeOnEileen #80smusic

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

"When people are vague about a business idea, you know it will always either be a scam or porn." -- my boss #startups #startupsecrets #ideas

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

"I made my own fajita seasoning last night. I grabbed everything out of my cabinet that sounded Mexican." -- my boss #fajitas #TacoTuesday

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

"No really... just Google 'eddie murphy tranny'. That's what happens when you're rich - regular women don't do it for ya." #TrannyTuesday

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

"@WarrenSapp just got arrested for soliciting a prostitute. Reminds me of the time @eddiemurphy got caught with a tranny." #prostitute #NFL

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

"I hate wearing pants." #winniethepooh #justshirtnopants #nopants #NoPantsFriday #justshirtnopantslikewinniethepooh

[WaterCoolerTalk @watercoolertalk]

@TimTebow is opening a PDQ in Gville: “You have to get down on your knees & fellatio a statue of Tim Tebow before you can order.” #timtebow