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@dlLambo @AmeliaBee7 Israel kills children. They bomb hospitals and schools. They murder doctors and journalists. But don’t call them monsters. That would be antisemitic.

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@BBCBreaking So Harry and Meghan are non-working royals who actually work, as distinct from the working royals who don’t work.

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@MikeCarlton01 I believe Chris is referring to Martin (“Big Marty”) Luther, owner of a string of fish and chip shops in Ipswich and Pauline’s business inspiration.

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@GagsTandon Say what you like about Arne Slot, but he’s saved me a lot of money. Got sick of the turgid football he was serving up and cancelled my expensive sports subscription. Of course, now I’m spending more on antidepressants, so there’s that.

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@_maxgranger @ScarboroughNow Spent my whole life believing America was a force for good in this world. Now it looks like they were always just a terrorist state with a good PR department.

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@MarinaPurkiss That’s so unfair. Billionaires are hurting. Only a few can afford to run a space program. Many are making do with just the one mega yacht. And all the decent private islands are already taken.

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@DavidD_Chapman When America needs boots on the ground, they should send ICE. An elite fighting force, battle hardened on the mean streets of Minnesota. Remember, Iran is full of potential illegal immigrants. Of course, if things go sideways, that would be sad . . .

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@juliaioffe Time for MAGA hospitals for anti-vaxxers. No fancy machines. No liberal elite doctors. No siree. Just gun-toting patriots handing out Ivermectin and bleach. Masks banned, because FREEDOM.

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@washingtonpost So America, tell me more about this Land Of The Free . . .

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@allenanalysis Republican Administration Checklist:
1. Crash economy.
2. Invade random country.
3. Steal as much money as possible.

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@nickschadegg And if the doves crapped all over Sharri while she sat there waiting, that would be the icing on the cake.

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@atrupar Solution: plant an electro-shock device in his underwear so someone can shock him awake. I volunteer to operate it. Would 5000 volts be enough?

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@cwebbonline The MRI results haven’t been released because they’re SO GOOD. Nobody’s seen MRI results like this before. Doctors are coming up to Trump with tears in their eyes . . . Big doctors . . .

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@ReallyAmerican1 It’s called HEALTH insurance, so you’re only covered while you’re healthy. Obvious, right?

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@MilesTaylorUSA White House Situation Room. Someone opens door and shouts “Sir, the Chinese have invaded — “ Trump: “Not now! We’re talking about the Epstein Files!”

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@Kevin_Maguire Prince Andrew has paid the ultimate price. Forced to give up his fancy titles while living rent free in luxury accommodation . . . Wait, that doesn’t sound so bad.

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@nadaa01012 Yes. And as a side benefit, it would make Donald Trump’s head explode.

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@RpsAgainstTrump Make Argentina Great Again!

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@strangerous10 Why would any leader want a meeting with Trump? He’ll just insult you or start babbling nonsense. Any agreement you sign is not worth the paper it’s written on. So what’s the point?

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@DarklordComics Man, I miss Elise so much . . . Would love to support you when/if you start the comics again.