Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings

My wife says weird stuff

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Me: I’m gonna make a Twitter about the weird shit you say

Wife: Ok....

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Wife: alright, good night.

Me: rolls over and a loud fart sneaks out (I promise I wasn’t trying to let one rip)

Wife: love you too.

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

“I used to be in the club, now I’m someone’s snack bitch” - my wife

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Wife: that looks like it would hurt my butthole.

She was looking at a package of “super spicy” ramen. Get your minds outta the gutter.

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Wife: I got head butted and licked at the same time. It was both hard and moist!

Me: (failing miserably at trying not to die laughing)

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Wife walks into the kitchen after waking up.

Wife: “when I stood up from the toilet the seat got caught on my underoos and pinched my butt”

Me: “and good morning to you too”.

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

@krakenteacups Tekkno Train by Electric Callboy. The genre switching mid song scratches that itch at the moment.

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

For all my friends under the rainbow, any time someone gives you shit for living your truth, as long as it is safe sane an consensual, look them dead in the eye and tell them this:

“Character customization is up to the player, not the audience”.

Remember, we are here for you.

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

@Megadeth007_ @Dorwrath @Peteriliac …..do we need to hide crayons in the grass so you GO OUTSIDE?!

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

A rare switch here.

Wife: I know I’m getting too old. The music is too loud here.

Me: I know I’m getting old. I can’t trust a fart.

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Me: Is that a receipt in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

Wife: yes, my cooter crinkles when horny.

Me a bit later: Cooter Crinkles sounds like a country singers name.

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Wife, pointing at my bulldog

“You! Your ass smells like a garbage barge. It’s like rotting garbage over there!”

….she’s still going. Now it’s a dumpster that failed a health inspection

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Me, laughing cause wife is picking out a wedgie.

Wife: “what? Don’t laugh at me, I do not feel Bonita!”

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Wife walking out of bathroom

Wife: “I’m 5-7 pounds lighter now”

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Laying in bed, rolling over to go to sleep.

Wife farts, loudly.

Wife: Sorry my ass smells like a garbage barge

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

@Bubbie_said @LCWebsXOXO Might check the ones I posted last night, might be able to see you there?

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Here’s the rest! #c2ecrew

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

I saw some posts from people asking for pics and such from the #c2ecrew , sorry I don’t have more. Had a blast watching all of y’all enjoying life!

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Wife: *burps loudly*

Wife: Mmmm bomb pop!

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

We were talking about the wife being Pansexual.

Wife: I mean we both like looking at butts.

She then checks her pizza in the oven.

Me (talking about her pizza): Your’s is very fragrant.

Wife: My butt?

Me: Your pizza, but there are times….

[Husband of Wife with Weird Sayings @weirdwifesaying]

Wife modeling her new overalls

“The pockets are weird. I’m hitting the fupa!”