Westfield Mall SF

(the official unofficial parody account) Tweets from the Westfield Mall in San Francisco, CA

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

Today at the mall: banal capitalism and unexpected pockets of air that include the strong odor of cologne. #SocialistsWelcome

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

Want to save money this holiday season?

Come to the #mall for free perfume samples.

Then use our free wrapping service and gift them to friends and family.

Nothing says I love you like a gift you got for free!

#christmassale #Christmas2018 #savingmoney

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

Get away from the smoke outside and come choke on our perfume at the mall!

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@sirccchar @JambaJuice Bring a @Cinnabon and ask them to throw it in! #secretmenu

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@sirccchar @JambaJuice We've never seen someone so serious about @JambaJuice! Be careful of those Wheatgrass shots, they are made from pure ground hedgehogs.

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@cmb13 @WestfieldSFC Oh, we have a robot to help you at the mall. Have you found instant help on Twitter before? How can I make you feel better?#readingisfun

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@cmb13 @WestfieldSFC I hope you enjoyed our parody responses and didn't take them too seriously. The parodiness is disclosed in my profile's description. #readme

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@cmb13 You can also count on the deliciousness of @Cinnabon. And great news, they take credit cards... so no need for those useless ATMs!

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@cmb13 We are fully aware of the broken and fictional ATMs.

We designed the mall for you to deposit your money in, not withdraw it.

#trickATMs

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@aeec @maerdot @HerStylerHQ We are working to eject them from the mall!

We believe the only insults you should suffer at the mall are to your arteries. @Cinnabon 👀

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@ajlfx @HomeDepot @Walmart @Target @BedBathBeyond @westfieldlondon We've had VR for years!! Just ride the escalator & eat a @Cinnabon. It feels like you're burning calories, but that's our "virtual" reality.

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@craiglcalhoun That's a secret @Cinnabon perk. After you order 1,000 lifetime 'bons you can just order the raw syrup, you even get a free jumbo straw!

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@JSFashionista @TasteMYChina @AFCO @GGRASF @EatGuideSF @onlyinsf @VisitCA Thanks so much for coming into the heart of the American cultural experience, the mall, and ordering Chinese food. #tradedeficit #jobs

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@nateserk pepper has helped thousands. He never sleeps and is very friendly. He replaced our old mall educator RudeAlbert. Your job is next!

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

The @WSJ & mall tracking:

We ONLY track # of shoppers and the total amount (in pounds) of 💩 they produce to forecast # of @Cinnabon stores.

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

Fun Fact: Our mall cops are sworn in on the @Cinnabon secret fryer manual.

Trust us, nothing tastes that good unless it is fried.

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

We have been purchased by @salesforce. We are now ForceMaxTower2. 162 stories will be added by 2019 for a gigantic waterslide, $292/ride.

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@nichobby Pepper is great, right? Just make sure to never try and shake the left hand though, that's the universal robot signal for kill.

[Nicholas Hobson @nichobby]

Just had my first conversation with pepper at @westfieldsf mall #ai #ux #pepper #SanFrancisco

[Westfield Mall SF @westfieldsf]

@_gordee did you confront the security guard and express your opinions? That's what people did before Twitter. Be a force for change Gordon!