Jarrett Farmer

I think about Uma Thurman every time I moisturize my elbows

[Red Dragon Players @RedDragonPlayer]

Senior Kasi Moreno named 2018 5A Best Actress at the State UIL One-Act Play Contest. @sfamaroon @FineArtsAISD @LoyalForeverAHS

[Jarrett Farmer @whitedadjerry]

Concept: “Eat, Pray, Love” except it’s just me laying down eating a family sized bag of Doritos with my laptop on my chest watching the Hunger Games

[Matt Baume @MattBaume]

About time someone called out AMC theaters on this

[tony cock @sophcolette]

closure isn’t real just cut your hair and pretend it didn’t happen

[Jarrett Farmer @whitedadjerry]

“Hi Alice!”
“Bye Alice!”
“Hi Alice!”
“Bye Alice!”
My little sisters conversation with herself when he doesn’t take her meds

[Jarrett Farmer @whitedadjerry]

I’m not passing you aggressively because I think my place to be is more important than yours, it’s because you’re driving slow and I hate you. 35 means 40, not 25.

[Jarrett Farmer @whitedadjerry]

How can I become best friends with Jane Fonda?

[Jarrett Farmer @whitedadjerry]

Highlights of the family Cards Against Humanity game:
-my 84 year old grandma having to say “my black ass”
-the same grandma coming in second place

[Jarrett Farmer @whitedadjerry]

Kim K sends her lawyers to help Cyntoia Brown. Bethenny Frankel flys 4 planes full of supplies to Puerto Rico. Our government sucks so much that reality stars are the ones truly helping. The system is broken.

[Miley Cyrus @MileyCyrus]

It’s that time!

[Jarrett Farmer @whitedadjerry]

“This is my gun, her name is Thelma”
“That’s nice. I named my bong Jessika”

[ΛDRIΛN @AdrianXpression]

Beyoncé LITERALLY SAID IN THE FUCKING SPEECH that racism is so interwoven in the fabric of our country that when we protest racism, people think we are protesting the country. And here you are proving her fucking point.

You rotting cauliflower in the face built ass motherfucker. https://t.co/s7itaTfiLZ

[lily zella jackson @lilyzella]

me, peeling tape off webcam: hey guys whats apoptosis mean?
little FBI voice within my computer: programmed cell death.
me: thanks roger. tell the family happy holidays
roger, the FBI man: will do. please get more sleep