Will Burnson

Comedian. fries for the table. Tendency to arrive late because I was hanging out with my dog. | insta: willburnson

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

They found my wallet at the restaurant today, but I think I can get my girlfriend to pay for a few more meals if I don’t tell her that til friday

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

“Oh look the NICE agents are pulling up”

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

POLL: ICE has been abused by the Fake News Media at levels never seen before. They are Great Patriots who work hard, and do a fantastic job in a very hostile environment. Much of this hostility is caused by the Dumocrats and the Fake News. The concept I have had for quite some time — A strong feeling that the name of these Patriots, “ICE,” should be changed to, “NICE,” in that it will totally discombobulate Crooked, Dishonest, and Unpatriotic Reporters and Journalists. For them to say, “We went to a NICE Facility today,” as opposed to “ICE” or, “NICE Agents have deported a Violent Drug Dealer,” they won’t be able to handle it, they will go totally crazy! All it means is adding an “N” (“National”) to “ICE (“Immigration and Customs Enforcement”) — A much more prestigious name. Everyone loves it, but I have been told by the legendary Tom Homan that the Agents do not love it as much as the other population. Who thinks that we should add an “N” to change the name of “ICE” to “NICE?”

Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DJT

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

@dabernathy89 She heard the rumor about being the next one on the chopping block

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

Sometimes I wish that asteroid never killed all those dinosaurs

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

watching dinosaur show with someone and telling them I dont know how it ends >>>

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

@GovStitt can I be considered for the senate seat? I saw Harold Hamm asked as well, and I can 1,00% guarantee I care more about the lives and livelihoods of regular Oklahomans significantly more than him

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

Interesting how so many people tell immigrants that if they want to speak Spanish they should go back fo a Spanish speaking country; but even though those same people wanted masked agents kidnapping people they didn’t just move to Syria

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

So who all left during the rapture yesterday? I haven’t noticed anyone gone. Kind of a bummer tbh

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

You claim that your guns are to protect from a tyrannical government, yet with them you only threaten your liberal countrymen

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

Nothing like bombing the shit out of someone in order to convince them they don’t need bigger bombs

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

Watching all these people clap for everything Trump days makes me feel like my friends need to step up their enthusiasm any time I’m speaking

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

If Canada does become the 51st state, I’ll be allowed back in ❤️

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

I love Halloween because you can be having deep philosophical discussions about whether or not psychedelics can help with mental disorders but you’re talking to Wario and Princess Peach

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

Just heard a lady at this hotel let the server know that since she enjoyed herself she will help them out because she’s a BIG yelper. BIG yelper.

She is eating cereal

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

Me when I lived in Dallas: “yeah this airport is pretty convenient”

Me now that I live in OKC: “All these people from Dallas think they’re soooo cool with their *direct flights*”

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

I tried to listen to @realDonaldTrump and @elonmusk but it’s the same things over and over again, I can’t….its just so boring

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

The best way to determine if you’re doing good in the world as you build a business or build wealth is to ask

“Am I doing this because the world needs it, or simply because I can”

It’s a good way to understand yourself and your motivations. Check yourself occasionally.

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

#nabj interview with Trump was awful. Rambled on and on but never said anything of value unless @HARRISFAULKNER gave a pansy baby question so he could say “drill baby drill” regarding oil. He couldn’t even answer the first question. Embarrassing he’s even an option to lead

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

Sorry but I can’t meet you out at the bar, I have hiccups

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

@POTUS could you start referring to the opponent as “convicted felon Donna Trump”

[Will Burnson @willburnson]

Someone write a show about our wildlife department

[Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation @OKWildlifeDept]

Not to be too Oklahomish this early on a tuesday morning - but do y'all wanna see a catfish the size of a 6th grader orrrr ????