William Murdock

Made out of plastic. I’ll be here forever.

[William Murdock @williemurder]

@Jara_Films @joshuaWWWWWWWW Lol rude

[William Murdock @williemurder]

@Jara_Films He’s not a businessman, he’s a business mannnn

[William Murdock @williemurder]

Leo’s character in The Departed feels the same way about the workplace as me.

[William Murdock @williemurder]

Costco: The land of big carts and shriveled hearts.

[William Murdock @williemurder]

@cshartley Fermentation, my dog

[William Murdock @williemurder]

No offense to legalization, but I do miss the paranoid drive home after buying a $20 gram. Watching out for the cops who’d been tracking my cell phone, building a case, waiting to take me down…

[William Murdock @williemurder]

Peggy: Would you drink vermouth?
Roger and Me: Yes, I’m afraid I would.

[William Murdock @williemurder]

Best Mashup in Music History:

https://t.co/HqxYwUGhbq

[William Murdock @williemurder]

Do you ever wipe and then have to go again? Not cool.

[William Murdock @williemurder]

I would describe the smell of my cat’s breath as “ancient”.

[William Murdock @williemurder]

@Jara_Films Yeaaahhh!!

[William Murdock @williemurder]

Hell yeah, jammin’ Snoop and Dre, putting the Garlic Paste away.

[William Murdock @williemurder]

Were you there when the Pharaos commissioned the Sphinx?

[William Murdock @williemurder]

@FearonJames Lol, that would be legit. “My secret ingredient is kidnapping chickens from a farm.”

[William Murdock @williemurder]

I would find my body much less humiliating if it accurately reflected the power of my mind.

[William Murdock @williemurder]

The proof is in the Snugging ®

[William Murdock @williemurder]

You know who loves a Snuggie ®? My cat, Garbles. And to that I say... right on.

[William Murdock @williemurder]

@joshuaWWWWWWWW It’s a fact! I’m hoping it will comfort her all the way to Bend, lol.

[William Murdock @williemurder]

@heartlesley Welcome to the Thunderdome. How can I be of assistance?

[William Murdock @williemurder]

What if wizarding folk refused the internet? But they saw the value. So they recreated it with magic, but it was terrible because they didn’t understand how the internet works. And now, all the wizarding kids are stuck with shitty internet because their parents are too proud.