Will Orchard

I cook things, sometimes.

[Newcastle United @NUFC]

Clock ticking down.

Scores level.

Defenders to beat.

Step forward, Will Osula 👏👏👏

[NUFC360 @NUFC360]

This will go down as one of the most all round inept performances from an officiating team, getting 3 major decisions wrong.

Referee - Chris Kavanagh, Assistant Referee’s - Gary Beswick & Nick Greenhalgh

#NUFC

[Stan Collymore @StanCollymore]

Suicide.

I'm choosing to be deliberately blunt and provocative in this post because it's necessary. Government, charities, football clubs are all pushing water up a hill in highlighting what is undoubtedly a major health crisis.

You take a rope.
You put it up in a garage or a tree nearby or far away.
You're thinking about every loved one you'll leave behind as you put that rope around your neck.
Then you drop.

Some are decapitated.
Some aren't.
All are found by someone who has a lifetime of trauma that will never leave them.
A son.
A daughter.
A brother.
A sister.
A mother.
A father.

I know 2 men who hung themselves.

One was found by his Mom.
One was found by his brother.
Neither have recovered fully. 20 and 30 years on.

A life sentence for people who were already worrying, terrified their loved one may do something.

So just visualise the above and ask, "is there another way"?

A segway for a moment.

I do a few Q&A's every year. Tales of yesterday with a 99% male audience of my age group.

After the stories and fun, my last question back to the audience is..

"Hands up if you struggle with a mental health issue".

Nobody ever puts a hand up. Despite 1 in every 3 of 500 attendees statistically struggling.

"Ah, nobody, that's fucking brilliant! Well I do! ". I then graphically tell people, stunned into silence about how a rope around my neck in the middle of nowhere jolted me to go home and cry like a baby to my Mom.

After the Q&A has finished, something always happens. I'll be chatting to a few guys, saying bye and one by one, men will come over and whisper " I struggle".

Or my mailbox the next day will have 30 emails from guys, their partners or kids saying " Dad/Uncle /Brother was there last night and what you said hit them hard".

And that's how some people realise that it's time to speak to a pal or family member or even rant to me in an email. It works, I often get a follow up email a year or 6 later saying that they took responsibility for their suicidal feelings and are now flying.

Humans are programmed to want to live, to have families and to keep the species growing and thriving. So for a human to want to short circuit that desire isn't normal, and it should never be spoken of as normal. It's the ultimate red flag.

If you suspect your mate, Dad, Brother, Uncle is struggling mentally, they deserve your intervention.

They deserve a " are you OK, please tell me what's up".

They deserve an opportunity to get past wanting to hang a rope over a tree or in a garage and slowly struggle until they die and you find them.

If you've been there and trust me I have plenty, then you'll know that text out of the blue, or a footie mate or one of your kids asking jow you are can open the curtains to some sunshine.

Because when suicide is your only answer, the room is already dark, and you can't see a way out.

So please, fucking pretty please, ask that husband, Dad, Uncle, Cousin, footie pal TODAY how they are.

You may be shocked what comes back but extremely glad that you asked.

For those who struggle, you're not alone.

[Will Orchard @willso93]

@realDonaldTrump @truth_scan

[Will Orchard @willso93]

drowning pool & spineshank has got my inner metalhead ITCHING

[Will Orchard @willso93]

incredible how me saying no to extra work results extra work anyway

[Will Orchard @willso93]

Past two governments have been sham after sham. Aren’t these people supposed to represent us?

No wonder so many people are disillusioned with politics.

[Will Orchard @willso93]

so good to get out the lakes and see some friends this week, i should take holiday more often

[Will Orchard @willso93]

how am I 31 and still having mood swings like I’m 15 wtf

[Will Orchard @willso93]

I’ve burned my hand so many times today I’m literally washing my hands in germolene

[Gary Neville @GNev2]

They partied , they bet on elections , they crashed the economy, they broke every public service, they destroyed integrity and honesty in public office , they paid their mates billions , they put their friends in the House of Lords, they gave their cronies knighthoods, they went into the jungle , they lied again and again, they were convicted by police, they went on holiday when they shouldn’t and they have the cheek to question Keir Starmer’s work ethic. I would never take anything for granted but I hope they are annihilated on Thursday. The worst people and government we have ever had!

P.S good afternoon all 😊❤️

[Chris Rose @ArchRose90]

Jim nailed Glastonbury here. 😂

[Will Orchard @willso93]

@IKEAUK Very glad to hear that you don’t keep spare parts for the new bed I ordered. It would have been a horrible shame if a part arrived faulty or came under accidental damage. The agent who spoke to me was going to issue a replacement piece!

Thank heavens that he can’t. 10/10

[Will Orchard @willso93]

Facebook got yoinked and the worst thing is that they logged me out of my Spotify, screw u guys

[Will Orchard @willso93]

A violation

[Will Orchard @willso93]

@WestHam_Central @Jack_Smith_96

[Will Orchard @willso93]

2010s metal was actually so good

[Coaches' Voice @CoachesVoice]

Eddie Howe was appointed Newcastle head coach last season, with the club 19th and without a win after 11 league games.

In his first full season, he’s taken the club to the Champions League for the first time since Sir Bobby Robson did in the 2003/04 season. 🔲🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

#NUFC • #UCL

[Sky Sports News @SkySportsNews]

Czech Republic international Jakub Jankto has publicly come out as gay in a social media statement.