Jackie Wolf

I am a bamboozled pizza bagel

[Jackie Wolf @wolfterrain]

I loooooooove Timothy Chamomile when he sticks those fingies into a firm pear.

[i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan]

me blending in amongst my funny and talented peers

[Emily in Paris Updates @parisandemily]

Emily has been arrested for fucking a 17 year old

[∞ + 1 @stuckinaportal]

my daughter is making a convincing argument that egg should be spelled “eg” and that the second “g” should only be used to describe really big eggs

[jorts 🇵🇸 @ftmensch]

realized recently that i have absolutely no idea what dry cleaning is. don’t even have a guess really

[whitmer thomas @WhitmerThomas]

Never at any point does this guy show up in The Shining. Who is this guy?

[GL @gldivittorio]

One silver lining about quarantine is it's probably preventing the giant baby from being on Ellen

[Lo Weaver @lauren_weave]

I can’t wait to see Matt Damon on the street one day and be like 🗣“MATH-THEW DAY-MON
👏 👏 👏👏👏”
I’m really looking forward to doing that one day

[Lo Weaver @lauren_weave]

I was in the ally behind my apartment, just jumping around really high and stuff, and the NYPD saw me jumping SO impressively high and they walked up and straight up recruited me to join their force FINALLY (Couldn’t wait to turn them down and also intimidate them w the jumps)

[Jackie Wolf @wolfterrain]

Can't wait to unpack this in therapy 🤠

[Jackie Wolf @wolfterrain]

I woke up and read "LOOK FOR THE RAPIST" on my lovely to dos list. Took me 20 min to detect I meant "LOOK FOR THERAPIST. Aha silly me.

[Jackie Wolf @wolfterrain]

Been chasing my chocolate milk with water like a lame for a couple years now.

[whalefact @awhalefact]

if a whale were a reasonably priced 1992 Toyota Camry, it probably wouldn’t be a whale, it would be a reasonably priced 1992 Toyota Camry

[No Swoon @NoSwoon]

TOMORROW! We’ll be celebrating the release of our 1st full length album! Join us, @SubstituteScene @earstofeed @bigblissband & @wooingband @UnionPool ! We’ll have vinyls & t-shirts & we’ll be playing the whole album live! 💫🎉🎊🎉⚡️
📸: @wolfterrain

[STUY @STUY______]

Sick. Haven’t used this in a while but I should probably tell you about our new record Moments of Terribleness that came out today.

https://t.co/96WIEoIIEM

[andrew @AndrewChamings]

back when people weren’t looking at their phones all day they had time to be frivolous. they’d see shapes in the clouds. they’d say “half a dozen” instead of “six”. they’d take the time to kiss a horse

[Joey⚡️ @joeygllghr]

On a date kinda nervous

[Olivia Craighead @oliviacraighead]

ok HELLO! I made the dang newsletter! I think they'll usually come out on Sundays? maybe Mondays? But here is the first one so you can kind of get the gist. it's about kid cudi's birthday dinner.

like & subscribe lol

https://t.co/FQcZoC9lM2