Xen0777 | they/it | 21

screams in the void
ugw: death
cw: too high

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

Here goes my pinned

cw: 160 lbs(?) / BMI 28 | gw: 140 lbs | ugw: 100lbs | lw: 120lbs

unpinning when I lose 10 #edrtwt

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

@pinkswirlys hii

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

feeling gross because I cant stop burping from the mixture of no cal drinks and my empty stomach 😵‍💫

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

But I dont really care. I kind of want to starve myself to death. I have no aspirations in my life and no goals. I just hope I can damage myself enough to die in the next 5 years. My family wont have to deal with my disordered ass anymore.

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

fff I hate myself. I think going back to my lw again might genuinely kill me. I had to recover last time because my heart was starting to really struggle and my body was shutting down. Im not sure if the CSA or starving made my bladder weaker but its been a problem

[Milo🛌🏻 @PRagentofMyself]

And perhaps the saddest part is that I know there's so much more to life, but I can't seem to find the courage or the strength to go out and live it.

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

I miss my lw

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

im so tired... wanted to skip breakfast because I ate like a fat cow yesterday but my grandparents were around and would have been way too suspicous. looked at pictures from when I was at my LW and cried. I hate myself

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

Struggled to get up from bed this morning... my legs are too sore

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

Got off my pathetic lazy ass and actually worked out... im so tired

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

I ate probably a normal amount of calories today. which makes me sad because ive felt better than I have all week. But Im still so unhappy with my body. I would work this extra food off but im still in the middle of my cycle so the cramps stop me :/

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

I ate probably a normal amount of calories today. which makes me sad because ive felt better than I have all week. But Im still so unhappy with my body. I would work this extra food off but im still in the middle of my cycle so the cramps stop me :/

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

seems my BMR is closer to 2k cals... thank god

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

if i see anything over 160 on the scale next sunday im ending it

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

Body check ??

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

@pinkswirlys PLEASE i need it so bad

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

its fine its fine... Im walking a lot

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

Fuck this and fuck my life I ate like so many calories and I want to cry

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

I CAN SKIP SUPPER TOMORROW AND 24 HOUR FAST IM SO HAPPY

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

@pupgirlpow Its hard because even at my lw bmi 19 I still felt big :( I think if I get back to that size tho ill actually appreciate it again

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

Thursday accountability-
cw (?) lost (?)
Didnt go to work today because my period kept me up all night. Managed to fast for 17 hours. Having my breakfast because of my meds, but im hanging out with friends tonight so I might be able to pull off a 24 hour fast

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

Here goes my pinned

cw: 160 lbs(?) / BMI 28 | gw: 140 lbs | ugw: 100lbs | lw: 120lbs

unpinning when I lose 10 #edrtwt

[Xen0777 | they/it | 21 @Xen0777_]

felt like eating and breaking my 32 hour fast but I measured my hips at 107cm and thought YEAH NO BACK TO STARVING FATTY HAHAHA