Paul

No longer checks Twitter

[Unity for Games @unitygames]

Unity AI is now in Open Beta 🎉💫

We believe AI has the most impact when it helps creators move faster while staying in control of the creative process.

Use our built-in agent tuned for Unity workflows or connect the AI tools you prefer via AI Gateway and MCP Server.

[Kalu Aja @FinPlanKaluAja1]

@GraceOkoro2 Grace

You own your page. Post what you desire on it.

if you want to see positive things only, go to Disneyland and get off my page

[Paul @Xorcyst]

Of course, overlooking the shameless bribery requests to focus on the faux humour

[BusinessDayNG @BusinessDayNg]

Police officers on Moniya-Iseyin Road were surprised to meet a lone Dutch woman travelling to Abuja on a motorbike.

“Wetin you bring come?” they asked.

[Paul @Xorcyst]

@DavidHundeyin Nigeria being a $50M net market isn't surprising tbh. The satchetization of the Giant of Africa. Remain small Pampers and Always go dey satchet.

[Kalu Aja @FinPlanKaluAja1]

Cheat sheet for Ndi Fintech

1. Do NOT borrow with interest to start your business. You start the business with your savings and assets, your family and friends. No interest loans

2. Capital held as cash is waste. Once you get capital it must be deployed. Keeping cash in the bank will make your return on Equity low. This different from your reserves in the balance sheet

3. There is a difference between Return on Investment ROI and Return on Equity ROE.

ROI= all funding
ROE= all non-debt funding

Finance theory says a company with a high degree of risk (startup) will have a higher cost of equity. In effect, you have to post higher returns ROI to attract investors

4. Equity is also how you raise money, not how you retain control. Don't hold 100% of 1, rather seek 10% of 100

5. Keep cash. Never pay cash on delivery, always pay cash 90 days out, and invest that cash in a Tbill. Never offer credit, discounts are ok but not credit, you are a start-up. CEO watch your cash, and get daily reports of cash in and out..note Daily

6. Any expense not keeping your business alive is a waste of money. Thus, do you need that big office? Or can you live in your office and deploy your rent to the business? Is that retreat in Dubai really necessary? Try Abeokuta

7. Once you run out of cash, it's over. Sales is not cash, profit is not cash, cash is cash

8. The first person you hire is your Finance officer, not your tech bros

9. Insurance is good, if your assets are mission-critical, insure them

10. The CEO must understand the relationship between the Income statement, balance sheet, and cash flow statement....note MUST

[Harry Maguire @HarryMaguire93]

@JoySportsGH MP Issac Adongo apology accepted . See you at Old Trafford soon 🤝😊

[Paul @Xorcyst]

@FinPlanKaluAja1 They left just before Valentine's Day

[Kalu Aja @FinPlanKaluAja1]

Poor people defending rich people spending the money of the poor

It's down to education and values

[Paddy Power @paddypower]

Another ‘record year’ for Man City’s finances. Just what happened to those 115 FFP charges?

[Kennedy Wandera @KennedyWandera_]

Austerity measures in #Malawi🇲🇼.

"I know that there would be some who created this mess that I am now cleaning up who will be the loudest in calling me names and claiming that I am the problem and calling on the citizens to attack me but I am not intimidated. I am here to serve Malawians🇲🇼.

To do so I am prepared to do things that are painful as long as they are the right things.

I must say I have to lead by example.

This is why effective immediately, all my international trips between now and the end of the current fiscal year beginning with my trip to #COP28 at the end of this month are cancelled. By extension, I am putting a freeze on all public funded international trips for all public officers at all levels including those in parastatals until the end of the financial year in March.

In fact, all cabinet members currently abroad on public funded trips must return to Malawi with immediate effect. Any travel deemed absolutely necessary by anyone during that period must be submitted to my office for my personal authorisation.

Secondly, I order that all fuel entitlements for cabinet ministers, principal secretaries, directors and all members of senior management of all public institutions must be cut in half with immediate effect.

Thirdly, until further notice, I order the secretary of the president and cabinet to circulate to all public institutions the criteria for local trainings and local travels that would be acceptable as well as a cap on how much of their budgets can be spent on allowances for such trainings and trips.

By doing this, I am effectively ending the practice of draining the public coffers to spend on allowances on useless activities.

~Dr Lazarus McCarthy Chakwera, President of #Malawi.🇲🇼

[Manchester United @ManUtd]

Join us in wishing United legend Paul Scholes a happy birthday 🎈

#MUFC

[Paul @Xorcyst]

Johny from looloo kids looks like JJ (from Cocomelon) with a crack habit 🤔
Or is it just me
@chikodiukaiwe ?

[David Hundeyin @DavidHundeyin]

Just the idea and concept of any kind of meritocracy is offensive to Nigerians in general. Doesn't matter whether they are from Mushin or Maitama; doesn't matter whether they're a politician or a vulcaniser.

Nothing can be allowed to be sacred and above the Nigerian disease. EVERYTHING must succumb.

Common Entrance exam cutoff to enter Unity Schools: give Yobe an entry score of 2, and give Anambra an entry score of 139. The defence is that I'm helping my disadvantaged kinsmen get into school.

SSCE Exam: Organise a cheating program for your students to boost your school's stats. The defence is everybody else is doing it, so I'll fall behind if I don't do it.

University VC selection: Start playing indigene vs. outsider politics and destroy the meritocratic sanctity of academia by promoting underqualified indigene to the very top. The defence is that I am helping my brother by stopping those [insert group name] from taking over.

Civil service employment: Ensure 89% of all yearly intake is named "Mahmoud, Yahya and Zainab," whether they are qualified or not. The defence is that I am promoting the interests of my brothers and stopping those [insert group name] from taking over.

Private sector employment and promotion: Hire/promote people based on who is sleeping with you and whose father is an Ikoyi Club member. The defence is that's just how it is, and those Ikoyi Club connections can be useful.

Election: Prevent people from voting, snatch ballot boxes, kill voters and ultimately install an incompetent, unelected buffoon. The defence is I am getting paid a few thousand peanuts to do so.

Local youth sports team selection: Select athletes/players whose parents pay bribes, and leave out better ones without the means to pay bribes. The defence is shey Coachie no go chop?

National youth sports team selection: Select only athletes/players with godfathers and connections while sending away David Alaba (this actually happened). Also, make sure to select as many of "your brothers" as possible.

Entertainment promotion: Cast upcoming actresses based on who sleeps with you. Invest in the most talentless upcoming artists who can't hold a note or identify what a treble clef looks like because they are desperate and loyal, and can be useful as drug mules or avenues for laundering illicit money. The defence is why is anybody complaining? They should stop being broke haters, go and promote their own artists, and leave your omo ope alone. Enemies of progress.

Media and Journalism: Hire and promote journalists based on who sleeps with you; assign big stories to office pets and sexual partners; open opportunities and award nominations only to those in your cult, with the net effect of driving the best people out of the profession altogether. The defence is "Haha you can't prove it, fuck you."

As in, nothing in that country can be allowed to be meritocratic. Nothing st all. Medicine? They appoint Chief Medical Registrars based on state of origin and their relationship with the governor.

Aviation? Nigeria Airways once had dozens of non-flying pilots on payroll, earning the same as its flying pilots because they were friends with one perm sec here or Commodore there. Today, courtesy of @hadisirika, the NCAA now has dozens of "safety inspectors" named Farouk and Mohammed who cannot correctly identify parts of a plane - I wrote a story about it.

And the tragedy is that the same people who will complain about one part of this grotesque system will defend another part of it without irony, because as is always the case in the minds of Nigerians, the group outcome is always somehow divorced from their personal choices.

That's why you'd support a drug dealer stealing an election he lost pitifully, then later on wonder why the world beyond Seme treats you with the disrespect that it does.

[David Hundeyin @DavidHundeyin]

The reason they ask you for stupid money is because they have seen other promoters pay stupid money - promoters who don't have to worry about breakeven and profit because they're washing someone's drug or yahoo money.

It's what happens in any Nigerian industry where the size of funding wielded by some participants is completely divorced from their cash flow or any financial fundamentals, leading to a distorted market with huge labour costs and vast unemployment at the same time.

It's what happened with tech when the white boys came in with dollars and convinced every Andela bootcamp survivor that they were an "Engineer" worth $300,000/year because they knew how to code at the level of bored Norwegian 14 year-olds on 4Chan. Then the dollars dried up but the labour cost is still stupid.

It's also happened with media and journalism ever since Big Cabal went and raised eleventy jillion, then did a big announcement about it. They statted paying 250k/month to 23 year-old content writers fresh out of Unilag. Then the dollars dried up as well, and they started firing entire teams. But the market has been permanently distorted.

Now if you're a media organisation looking to recruit anyone who looks like they have a passport and they know how to eat with a fork and knife (bonus points if they have Big Cabal experience on their CV), before you can say anything, they're asking you for half a million a month, fully remote, plus PTO and health plan.

When all of us across these industries are tired of running a fake economy that depends on investor funds and money laundering, we'll all sit down like the Indians did and find a model for pricing labour that actually makes sense and benefits everyone.

[World of Engineering @engineers_feed]

What if I told you that it’s ok to change your opinion based on new information.

[Dirty Footballer 👊 @DirtyFootbaIIer]

What have I just watched 🤣

['Damilola Ayeni @AF_Damilola]

Here's the story that got me locked up in Benin Republic.
https://t.co/nByD4t0ySM

[Fabrizio Romano @FabrizioRomano]

⚪️ Ange Postecoglou: “You have to accept the referee's decision, that is how I grew up”.

“The decision is the decision”.

“In 26 years I have had plenty of bad decisions, I have had plenty fall in my favour. It is what it is”.