the ditch witch

My mom says I’m cool

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

No one:

Me: sometimes, when I vacuum, I pretend I’m a master assassin, cleaning up after taking someone down and I vacuum in straight lines, while backing out the room so I don’t leave any foot prints.

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

YOU’RE NOT FAT

[Jess Harnell @JessHarnell]

Let’s play a game!! 💙

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

Same.

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

@lazerdoov As well they should be!! HOW DARE YOU??
- mom with fabric scissors

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

@amy4thepeople What are you trying to say?? Speak plainly!!

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

@kelly_jordan did they say they had outside seating and then just escort you out the back door?

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

@ThatEricAlper Paul’s Boutique

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

#billburr is fucking perfect. No notes. 10/10 - would recommend.

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

@kelly_jordan UNLESS ITS A BOP! #wyclef

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

@kelly_jordan She’s on the soundtrack!!!

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

@ThatEricAlper Eye of the Tiger

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

@eringhere If you’re still there can you grab me a can of cranberries and a pack of napkins. Thanks! 😘

[Jamil Smith جميل كريم @JamilSmith]

“Shots fired. Male down. Black male, maybe 20," said the @ClevelandPolice officer who called in the shooting, describing the wounded Tamir Rice. That was eight years ago today. Tamir would’ve been 20 years old right now had he lived. I want you to think about that for a moment.

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

@kelly_jordan Same.

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

If you’re in line to make a meme about the red wave STAY IN LINE

#Midterms2022 #StayInLine #meme #NoRedWave #NoRedWaveToday

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

Stupid sexy Flanders.

[Maddie @Picklemaddierix]

Definitive tier list of how the simpsons characters feel about trans people

[Griffin @sensortld]

Alex stopped to help save a gunshot victim from bleeding out, he was then given Saint Paul Police Chiefs Award for Valor. He then gave this small speech.

(video from @/onsitepublicmedia ig)

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

Couples costume - I call panda!!

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

@kelly_jordan @tcmarathon Why didn’t you tell me?! I would have brought you a shot of Fireball!!! 😂

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

I like to think of ketchup and mustard as an old married couple. #ketchup #mustard #couplesgoals #relationshipgoals #Foodie #deepthoughts #Marriage #FoodForThought

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

@AndrewFleser Fucking god dammit.

[the ditch witch @xoxo_bbuck]

Twitter should just change it’s name to “Lizzie Annoucments” #Lizzo #lizzoisthefuckingbest #ilovelizzo