Elizabeth✌🏼♋️

the nihilism is palpable and so is the despair

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

If you're an adult without a child that is parked at a playground, I immediately assume you're pervert. Idc idc you may be the most innocent mofo ever, but to me you're a pervert lol. Like why you wanna hang in your car and watch children play?? Sounds Pervy AF if you ask me

[dasha @dash_eats]

You’ll all be sorry

[— @graveair]

*Explaining POV to a woman* So you just got sent to hell, you are not “in” it yet but you are at the door, your are held gently from both arms by demons who are telling you where you are going, they show you the place, you are not there, you are looking at it babe haha,I love you

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

I just asked my son who the most number one handsome boy in the world is and he pointed at me

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

Nothing humbles you like your kid throwing the dinner you worked hard on, on the floor and preferring to eat these things that taste like strawberry flavored styrofoam 🙃

[Saagar Enjeti @esaagar]

A nation of drunks and cigarette addicts put a man on the moon

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

Neighbors Lawn mowing, weed whacking, sawing(?), WOOD CHIPPING, polish clubs karaoke

🤝

Trying to put baby down for a nap

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

Hell is that my hair is long but cannot wear it down because the baby likes to pull it all out 🙃

[Nassim Nicholas Taleb @nntaleb]

If you're so smart, why don't you have peace?

[No Inc. @nodotinc]

happy to be back on the lying app reading a bunch of lies

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

@JeremeyHWrites @AlisonWandrland @PopCrave How big is the straw?

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

@JeremeyHWrites @AlisonWandrland @PopCrave Only my son was allowed to give me diabetes

[dasha @dash_eats]

How I be lying down all day

[Cameron Bradford @camerobradford]

[tucking my son in]

Son: Dad, why isn’t mommy a bad bitch like some of my friend’s moms?

Me: well to be honest with you, Billy, your mother was a rebound after daddy fumbled a real bad bitch

Son: (tears forming) so mommy’s mid?

Me: (starting to cry as well) I’m afraid so son

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

@trinitycard Anna please confirm 😂

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

@AlisonWandrland @PopCrave Wait that's a drink? I'm so confused

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

@BriCarpz @yashar It's like having a ton of little tasks around you that will take maybe 10 mins to complete, wanting to get them done and over with but never moving off the couch to do them. So you just sit there and agonize over them rather than getting it done 💪🏼

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

@ginsuwarrior He loves his aunty Mikhela and uncle Bobby!!

[Elizabeth✌🏼♋️ @xxeblxx]

I'm so thankful my son is so loved❤️ seeing your littles being loved by the people you care about is the best feeling ever

[Britney Spears killed JFK @a24bitch]

him: r u fucking stupid???
me: