Sam

she/her. will say hello to your dog, but not to you. club crackers enthusiast.

[Sam @ydrojeds]

I always think I'm being slick when I freak out about all of the dogs I see, but alas, a guy with a dog just came up to me and said "I saw you freaking out about my dog so I figured we'd just come over so you can pet him" 😂🤷🏻‍♀️

[Sam @ydrojeds]

@cilantrodaddy AHH

[Sam @ydrojeds]

@severalworms kelly clarkson

[Sam @ydrojeds]

@severalworms coincidentally, i am always trying to fight stephen

[Pixietron like Megatron @vivaforvictoria]

I’m in these two photos

[Sam @ydrojeds]

@severalworms lmao

[Sam @ydrojeds]

@Right2Jorts So excited for you!!!!

[Sam @ydrojeds]

@severalworms wow thank u, that's exactly why I came back

[Sam @ydrojeds]

the opening music of disneys robin hood lives rent free in my brain

[Sam @ydrojeds]

@severalworms i didn't have enough chaos in my life. happy to be here 🤡

[Sam @ydrojeds]

hello twitter, i have ~returned~ 😟

[Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor @KeeangaYamahtta]

for every fool who has asked "how will you pay for it", please shutup forever.

[The Hill @thehill]

Rep. @AyannaPressley: "Will the cost of testing be covered?"

Dr. Robert Redfield: "Cost of testing will be covered."

Rep. Ayanna Pressley: "And what about treatment?"

Dr. Robert Redfield: "Cost of treatment will be covered."

[madi. @madiikay]

National Park posters created based off their worst Yelp Review, I’m dead

[Andrew Lawrence @ndrew_lawrence]

if your dog stretches and you dont say "OH BIG STRETCH" every single time then you are a psychopath and i dont want to know you

[Yams Charania @BostonJerry]

The thing anyone under age 50 has to realize is that we're probably not gonna die from COVID-19 but we will absolutely be the vectors who spread the disease around to old people who *will* die which is why we gotta take precautions too.

[trish @ultragloss]

due to personal reasons i will be buying yet another iced coffee

[Scott Hechinger @ScottHech]

Met an older man 2+ years ago. Recently diagnosed w/ cancer. Brought from hospital to court. Charged w/ armed robbery. Faced life in prison. Judge did the rare thing. Set bail in an amount he could afford. His wife bought his freedom. Released. What happened may surprise you.

[Software Gore @rSoftwareGore]

at least I can choose