nikki

You’re like Willy Wonka if he owned a yapping factory

[nikki @yoimback]

let's go 2022 book challenge 💪

[𝔐𝔞𝔡𝔰 @sadgirlinbloom]

“mommy all done working”— the last thing I hear before my son unplugs the wifi router and kicks me off my work call

[Skate Coach 𓅄 @Sk8Couch]

People on here will ask “Is it too late to start over at 28?” and everyone will reply “Yikes. Hate to break it to you gramps but it was over for you 10 years ago.” Meanwhile my 63 year old neighbor is taking the bar exam because he has a list of pharma companies he plans to sue

[nikki @yoimback]

DIABOLICAL ENDING A BOOK MID SENTENCE WHAT

[nikki @yoimback]

WHY would a bookclub choose the first book in an UNFINISHED DUOLOGY ?!????!

[sophs! ☆ @rckbucky]

if bucky dies “redeeming” himself by saving that 3000 stark brat i’m gonna go feral

[nikki @yoimback]

the way i feel no emotions watching doomsday sudjfid marvel how have you gone so wrong

[nikki @yoimback]

10/10 food festie will be drunk

[Chuckfug @Chuckfug]

My girl is starting to realize I'm noticably worse at sex after my pet rat died and I stopped wearing a hat all the time

[Femboy Military Flight Sims @FemboyDCS]

I never considered that "room temperature IQ" refers to fahrenheit, I thought the point was that someone is a braindead slug creature with an IQ of 20, which is so much better

[mic @cancelledrry]

my grandma is telling people i stayed in brothels bc she keeps forgetting the word hostel

[isay | johnlock pilled @lockedbelstaff]

IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR 2026 ?????????

[Guykings (whom God preserve) of Utrecht @poynterton]

There is no current James Bond, Doctor Who or Prime Minister. A nation in flux.

[Nikolaj🇺🇦🇵🇸 @nikicaga]

This account had ONE job and it failed

In that, its much like Keir Starmer

[todd dillard @toddedillard]

my daughter, introducing my five year old to DnD: AND AS YOU PLUMMET TO YOUR DE—

me: DONT KILL YOUR BROTHER

daughter: …ok

daughter: …a Pegasus swoops in and saves you

my five year old: I kill it

[Jennifer Lee Rossman @JenLRossman]

Apparently June is scoliosis awareness month as well as pride month, so it's just a great month for people like me who are not straight in any way, shape, or form

[sii_dii @houari_lmssoued]

le mec a côté de moi dans le métro il est sur Twitter j’ai tapé son pseudo jss en train de liker tout ses tweet à côté de lui

[Harry Stabbings @harrystabbings]

NEW: Government confirms Duolingo will be included in the under-16s social media ban.

“No child in Britain needs to know what the French are saying” a department spokesperson said.

[Daniel Gerke @drgerke1]

It would be *much* more socially transformative to ban social media for over-65s

[bug girl @buggirl]

in nature if a monkey hoarded 1 trillion bananas the other monkeys would beat that monkey to death and take his bananas