your real name

I'm not grilling you a cheese.

[your real name @yoink7]

The story of Mary Poppins, like so many, changes drastically if you replace the protagonist with a silent, thrashing marlin.

[your real name @yoink7]

I do not miss almost anything about living in Auburn. But I miss our vet so much.

[your real name @yoink7]

@hankgreen I’m a size 13.5 & the socks have started to have a much shorter shelf life than when I began my subscription. Some have gotten holes on the first wear. I love the designs & ethos. I wish the longevity were better.

[your real name @yoink7]

@BBQsnob have you watched any of High School BBQ on Max? It’s a very cool look at high school bbq teams in Texas & they visit some great spots in the state.

[your real name @yoink7]

I feel bad for the large percentage of animals without butt cheeks.

[your real name @yoink7]

If “fuckability” is not part of the judging criteria on this Jason Biggs-hosted baking competition, what the fuck are we even doing here?

[your real name @yoink7]

@LedoPizza Love that Ledo @philoslothical7

[your real name @yoink7]

Woke up from a dream where I was grading papers & I gotta have a talk with my subconscious.

Like, we could be doing anything in there - fighting zombies, exploring alien planets, fucking zombies, etc - and the best you can do is our actual job?

[your real name @yoink7]

Derby was way too casual and calm as he full on vomited on my lap.

[your real name @yoink7]

@LedoPizza @philoslothical7

[your real name @yoink7]

@chercher94 I am proud of you as well, he tweeted formally.

[your real name @yoink7]

@chercher94 😞

[your real name @yoink7]

Sometimes when I'm grading I try to throw in little comments that make doing our end of semester writing project seem fun. I don't think they work, but I throw them in anyway.

[your real name @yoink7]

My super efficient grading strategy: grade essay, refresh Canvas dashboard to see number of essays left to grade go down by one, come here to tweet about taking the above steps, stare at the wall for indeterminate amount of time. Stare a bit longer...eventually, grade next essay.

[your real name @yoink7]

Are chefs allowed to take pictures where they don’t cross their arms?

[your real name @yoink7]

Real whiplash today between one student thanking me for teaching Tommie Shelby in Phil Law and another student staring daggers at me for 50 minutes in Business Ethics for suggesting *checks notes* racism exists.

[your real name @yoink7]

Cheryl just played "Change" for me & I now realize this was way way way way too complimentary.

[your real name @yoink7]

Taylor Swift is mid

[your real name @yoink7]

On this day one year ago, no one liked this tweet.

[your real name @yoink7]

I like that no one in line behind me at the Panda Express drive-thru gets a say in whether or not I’m willing to wait 10 minutes for super greens.

[your real name @yoink7]

Up to 19.99 pounds, all cats are girls. 20 pounds and over, all cats are boys.

[your real name @yoink7]

@begoniaphone Just a nature video of a wolf eagerly devouring a dog? I don't know what kids like.