Eoghan Gallivan

I am the liquor

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

I’m an alcoholic who doesn’t want kids which is scary because that means I’m just 5 kids away from fully becoming my dad

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

Tucker would be such a good name for a trans lady

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

I hope the light at the end of the tunnel is Coors Light

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

I know it’s Mother Earth and not Father Earth because the earth has never called me gay for wearing pink

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

Anybody else?

#houseofthedragon

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

Does Megyn Kelly know that raping adults is also bad?

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

I turn 32 this week and man if you told 15 year old me that I’d be living in a one bedroom apartment with a severe alcohol problem I totally would’ve believed you!

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

Putting I’m 6’5” and dyslexic on Hinge and showing up to dates 5’6” and drunk

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

Guys will be like “I’m too old for a Halloween costume” then put a whole a football uniform on to sit on their couch and watch their team lose

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

What I’ve learned from dating apps is that 99% of the women I find attractive do not find me attractive which is not ideal

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

I don’t know about you guys but my uncle really wants to see Bad Bunny’s birth certificate

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

The Yankees may have won tonight but the real winners are these beers I’m about to drink while crying

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

I bet getting flung across a room feels so good for the rubber band

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

RIP Jane Goodall, you would’ve loved the new monkey bit I’m working on

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

Most people like Christmas time but not me, I like spooky season. Idk I guess I’m just like a little quirky and different 🤪

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

Nothing more devastating than a hot stranger you follow posting their boyfriend. I thought we had something.

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

I hate the few hours between a mass shooting and finding out who the shooter voted for. It’s like should I be mad about this shooting or not

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

For real what is dust and how does it get on top of my fridge AND under my bed

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

The Land Before Time is better than The Sopranos

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

You’re telling me The Rizzler hasn’t said anything about Jimmy Kimmel? Seriously what the fuck.

[Eoghan Gallivan @youngpercuser1]

Breaking news: man who couldn’t spell “nuance” also has none