Yer wee da says he’s spent £15K on a once in a lifetime trip to see Scotland at the World Cup when he’s actually just rented a storage unit in East Kilbride & paid me & 29 other able bodied lads to work in shifts whipping him with leather belts for a fortnight x
There's a really short guy at my work and the custodian just accidentally swept him into the dust pan. I didn't even try and help. I was immobilized by my own cowardice
19-year-old who can't form sentences out loud: Animal Collective lowkey sounds like a car commercial
43-year-old HR lady who paid $1200 for a SXSW lanyard in 2015: none of this is accurate, take it from someone who Was There™
@aboynamedposh Unironically this outfit made me refuse to listen to them until about 2021 bc I figured there’s no way this guy could be part of a good band lol
Text from mom: My cousin died last night. Her house caught fire. Maybe arson. She was 87. You met her once in 1997.
Me: I’m so sorry to hear that. Let me know if you wanna call
Mom: 👍 How do I watch Netflix on ipad
Instead of a Wolverine game they should do a Beast game where Kelsey Grammer reprises the role. Also he’s not blue and he has a brother named Niles and he has to host the perfect dinner party for Seattle’s finest
@consequence Hilarious statement coming from the guy who when I saw JAMC in 2016 had to restart “Happy When It Rains” five times because he couldn’t remember how to play his own riff lol