Absolute Poppycock

✨calmness among chaos✨

[Absolute Poppycock @zaddy_mac]

“How did daddy issues become an insult to girls when it’s men who failed as fathers?”

[Washingtons ghost @washghost1]

That’s when you just throw everything out

[Queer Latifah ✨ @TheAfrocentricI]

Kids programming really had it all 💛

[aether @bluewdrift]

You need boredom. A lot of it. Start by going on walks without music. No stimulation. No distractions of any kind. If you learn to sit with your own thoughts, for long enough, in time they will start serving you. You'll start having ideas once again. You'll start developing an extreme sense of clarity that will shift you into the next stage of your life. All by being bored, which is pretty insane.

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

The literacy crisis isn’t that people can’t read the words. It’s that they can’t understand the context, infer meaning, recognise nuance, identify contradictions, or draw logical conclusions from what they’ve read.

[𝓟𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓼𝓪 🐸 @princesalamwane]

And mind you, none of them were crying over a man, they were crying because they wanted the freedom to live their lives the way they chose, and I think that’s what makes their stories even more beautiful.

[Action Bronson Arroyo @JBrink90]

LAWD HE STOMPIN

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

As an adult with no kids, it's my solemn duty to embrace the hobbies and adventures my peers no longer have time for, because they've sacrificed their freedom to keep the human race alive. I must travel, nap, pursue whimsical interests, and have fun in their honor.

[yimika. @yimikaaaa]

And If someone starts a hard conversation with you, it’s often a sign they care enough to keep you in their life. Not that they hate you.

[🎀 @mamiikeeyy]

My daughter daycare called my phone and said we had a Code Red and all the kids were scared but your daughter... So I asked " ight so what's the problem ? " she gonna say it's not a problem but when we asked your daughter why she wasn't scared she told us " nothing gonna happen too us... Cuz my DADDY gonna kill everybody if i don't make it home “🥴🤣 😈

[𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐌𝐀 @dahtgirl_ajex]

A video of fathers taking a class on how to care for their daughter's hair....this is beautiful 🥹❤️

[Jonathan Slater @slater57649]

The penalty is real.

[oziọma @rsvptemple]

“two wrongs don’t make a right.”

baby I wasn’t trying to make a right.
i was trying to make two wrongs.

[Absolute Poppycock @zaddy_mac]

Literally 😭

[eliz @eliza___v]

When I say my age and everyone tells me I look way younger.

[𝕮 @XCzsnx]

My friends came over for movie night, and I warned everyone in advance that my rabbit, Clover, is not what you’d call low-key.

She’s free-roam, extremely fluffy, and deeply convinced she is part landlord.

My friend Nina arrived first and asked: Do I need to be careful where I put my bag?

From under the couch, Clover popped out like a tiny magician.

Me: Yes. She does spot checks.

Nina: Spot checks for what?

Me: Vibes.

Soon everybody was there, shoes off, snacks out, blankets piled up.

My friend Sam had brought his new girlfriend, who seemed sweet but shy in that way where she laughed quietly and kept saying, “Sorry,” for existing near furniture.

We started the movie, lights low, everyone settled.

About twenty minutes in, Clover hopped directly onto the couch, climbed over two people, and parked herself in the new girlfriend’s lap.

We all went silent.

Because Clover does not do this.

Clover likes exactly three people: me, the mailman for unknown reasons, and one chair in the dining room.

The girlfriend froze.

Girlfriend: I don’t want to move. Is this okay?

Me: This is more than okay. This is a diplomatic breakthrough.

Sam looked absurdly proud, like he’d personally trained the rabbit.

Then Clover stretched out fully, did a contented little tooth purr, and fell asleep on her.

Nina whispered: Oh my gosh. She’s been chosen.

The poor girl looked like she might cry.

Girlfriend: Animals usually don’t like me at first.

Me: Apparently mine skipped to chapter five.

For the rest of the movie, no one moved. Not for drinks, not for snacks, not even when Sam’s phone buzzed and he had to awkwardly lean like a malfunctioning flamingo to silence it.

At one point I heard him whisper.

Sam: Are your legs numb?

Girlfriend: I would rather lose circulation than disturb her.

After the movie ended, Clover woke up, yawned, and gently booped her hand with her nose.

Girlfriend whispered: Thank you.

Then she looked at Sam and said: I know this is fast, but if your friends ever need a bunny babysitter, I’m available.

Clover hopped away like she had completed an important screening process.

So now my rabbit has done more for my friend’s love life than any dating app ever has, and frankly, she’s insufferably pleased with herself.

[dracojeremy @jeremyb___]

lmao if you’re off twitter for a day you won’t get any joke🤣