Zander

[1️⃣ @LeekNabers]

just met a cute girl at this wedding i’m at

like actually cute. objectively dangerous face card.

we’re talking. vibes are immaculate. she’s laughing at my jokes. i’m in my bag.

then sports get brought up, she says it

“i watch football”

my ears PERKED up

i played it cool. i said “oh nice, what’s your team��

she said “i’m a giants fan”

and that’s where a normal person would’ve said “cool, me too” and gotten her number

but i am not a normal person

my brain instantly went into terminal mode and i said “what do you think of the team?”

she looked confused

i kept going

“Darius Slayton as our WR2? Are you kidding me. Matt Nagy as our OC? Did you see what he did to Patrick Mahomes? Our franchise qb and franchise edge rusher hate each other. And we traded away our superstar DT”

she laughed nervously and said “what”

and i said “And don’t even get me started on Cam Skattebo basically trying to get himself injured”

she said “what”

and i said “so do you even follow the team”

she said “I literally have a Darius Slayton Jersey”

the vibe was GONE

just vanished. Just like Daniel Jones in primetime.

her friend pulled her away. she didn’t look back.

i was standing there alone at a wedding holding a drink i wasn’t even sipping, doing MENTAL MATH on how someone could claim to be a giants fan and think this Darius Slayton deserved that contract.

my cousin walked over and said “bro she looked into you what happened”

i said “she’s a casual”

he said “so?”

SO???

i then realized i would rather cut off my entire family than to share a bloodline with someone of the same species that couldn’t comprehend this

she had a pretty face but a DISGUSTING perspective on life that i just couldn’t get behind

could’ve had her number

she could’ve been the mother of my children

COULD’VE.

but now at least she knows i know ball

and honestly that’s worth more

[T @tbonetweetz]

@ComEd count your days

[Focaccia @Focacciabreaded]

Can’t believe what Im seeing in the Olympic figure skating Two men is unheard of

[Jon Rothstein @JonRothstein]

A message to America.

[Focaccia @Focacciabreaded]

Goat simulator but its just me waking up every day

[Focaccia @Focacciabreaded]

Im at practice drinking all the gatorade You dont even know man

[Max Markham @MaxMarkhamNFL]

Takes a special guy to bust and still have the whole city love you.

(I love him too)

[Pardon My Take @PardonMyTake]

Footballs Back

[MLB @MLB]

The @WhiteSox are winners of 3 straight.

[Kyle 🌱 @KylePlantEmoji]

Saw a teenager walking home in a karate outfit, which is fine, but he was a white belt. Arguably the most muggable outfit in existence. With any other clothes, your level of martial arts knowledge is at least ambiguous

[jillian @snljilly]

How do I explain John Mulaney shoving a 13 year old boy to the ground while Adam Sandler watches to a normal person?

[Marcel @celemarcel]

no babe waittttt

[Blake Allen Murphy @blakemurphy7]

Oh they're moving up for Jeanty

[Zander @zanderschultz]

@BarstoolChief @clayharbs82 In my mocks I got Armond Membou or Mykel Williams. I think Jeanty is a raider

[Zander @zanderschultz]

Almost done with season two of #severance and still can’t figure out who severance is

[Kansas Baseball @KUBaseball]

B1G Win.

[Memes @PardonMyMeme]

This is exactly how the Super Bowl is going to end

TikTok: @.11erby

[Rob Gucci @heatdaddy69420]

This guy is unbelievable hes making me want to go buy football pads