ZapMyAss

My Instagram is an anagram. 🇨🇦

[tater's tropes 🍁 @TrueTorontoGirl]

My pet rock is a little stoned.

[tater's tropes 🍁 @TrueTorontoGirl]

My inner voice should get laryngitis once in a while too.

[ZapMyAss @zapmyass]

There’s just something about a guy loving Christmas that makes him irresistible

[⋮Kal 🦇 @spookygalkal]

Turns out I wasn't depressed I just needed a divorce.

[𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler]

Have I ever had frog legs???

Um, nope. I’ve only ever had these human legs buddy. What a weird question.

[tater's tropes 🍁 @TrueTorontoGirl]

Sometimes I'll test my husband to see if he's listening to me by mumbling "do you want a blowjob?"

[ZapMyAss @zapmyass]

Happy to be your drunk text go to.
Smile, and go on with my life.

[ZapMyAss @zapmyass]

@fapanislives Oh, so wise

[ZapMyAss @zapmyass]

This used to be my playground

[ZapMyAss @zapmyass]

@fapanislives Right as rain over here. (What does that even mean?)

[ZapMyAss @zapmyass]

@fapanislives 👋🏻

[Jen @SleepEatScream]

The older I get the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

[ZapMyAss @zapmyass]

(Catches it and squeezes until it bursts)

[TRAUMARESPONSE 🦈 @TRAUMA_RESP0NSE]

Imagine how great life would be if lying people’s pants would actually catch fire.

[Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin]

You high pulp orange juice people are fucking psychopaths.

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

[ZapMyAss @zapmyass]

I’m not going to go into detail, but let’s just say I’m very glad I bought the good toilet paper right now

[ZapMyAss @zapmyass]

So torn, do I like and comment on the thirsty selfies or hunt you down and ask who hurt you?

[erika @yeeeerika]

"still punk as fuck" i whisper as i binge the great british baking show

[Little Greenis @DurtMcHurtt]

Making a clown shoe is no small feet.