laura zeis

It's hard to be a diamond in a rhinestone world. Chaotic good.

[laura zeis @zeistea]

Airport security just checked my flute for drugs. This is the coolest a flute player can feel.

[Howard Miller & Lulu @HPM1984Concord]

@interiorpress47

[laura zeis @zeistea]

“Happy Figure Skating games, and may the odds be ever in your favor!”

[laura zeis @zeistea]

Also, big Team Rocket energy.

[laura zeis @zeistea]

I love the vibes of each of these performances.
This one is giving “gay Vecna” and now I want a true, committed Vecna routine.

[laura zeis @zeistea]

@dontcyn

[Luna Luvgood ✨💥✨ @LunaLuvgood2020]

I want him to know it was Me ✨💥✨

[laura zeis @zeistea]

Is there a support group for people that dog sit and then aren’t allowed to keep the dogs?

[laura zeis @zeistea]

This weather is sexist.

[laura zeis @zeistea]

Imagine that you’re Mary, having just given birth to Jesus IN SOME STABLE. Vagina: destroyed. The baby is finally sleeping and some little twerp shows up and starts DRUMMING with full on “check me out I’m a drummer” attitude. Just saying. Little drummer boy is kind of a menace.

[Sara @SaraCivian]

You're paid too much to not know this I'm sorry

[Bill Simmons @BillSimmons]

Did Luka just throw a 65-foot alley oop pass for a dunk or did I imagine that?

[laura zeis @zeistea]

@BigVoyage Which movie? That’s a great compliment. She’s one of my style icons for sure. Also:

[laura zeis @zeistea]

Does the Kool Aid man look at the moon at night? Can he even look up? Does he have diabetes? How was he born? How will he die? Does he have friends? Does he wish he was anything else other than the Kool Aid man? Does he wish he was an elephant? I could make myself cry like this.

[laura zeis @zeistea]

@RealEmirHan Jamie Lee Curtis: True Lies

[laura zeis @zeistea]

I challenge you to find a mostly grey air bnb without a barn door.

[laura zeis @zeistea]

Surprised to see IT positions posted with a mandatory 4 panel drug test

[laura zeis @zeistea]

@RespectfulMemes

[laura zeis @zeistea]

#capitalism #startups #freelunch

[laura zeis @zeistea]

Apple Watch: (see image)
Me: SHUT UP AND LET ME DIE ALREADY