buying something from your phone feels evil. it feels unsafe. only the computer can keep my money safe. the phone is an evil, evil machine. i do not trust it with my finances.
*chit chatting at the dog park*
yep i think everyone has a silly voice they talk to their dog with honestly mines a little embarassing to even do in public
*turning to my dog and yelling like alex jones*
I'M GONNA GET YOU YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU FUCKING COWARD
i’m glad i was not born with a dick because i would hate the feeling of something between my legs constantly, especially because it would be so massive :/
your honor, juror number 3 has been continually “fujoshiing out” over the, quote, “palpable sexual tension between the defense and the prosecution”. we would like to motion to have her removed and replaced by the alternate