since i was 13 years, i have spent some part of every single day of my life tortured by crippling anxiety, obsessive and intrusive thoughts, and intense sadness as a result.
my battle with this monster has affected every aspect of my life, my relationships with my family and romantic partners, my sobriety, and my career.
it has led me to recklessly harming myself, sabotaging any good in my life, and extreme bouts of despair.
i have avoided commitment. i have run from potential job opportunities. i have isolated myself.
but through all of this, i never once lost hope that things would one day get better for me.
i got up every day. i went to the gym. i pinned a smile to my face. i remained grateful. i leaned on my people. on some days i did my best and other days i did whatever i could.
i walked. i crawled. i dragged myself through what people who didn’t understand would call “an imaginary issue” or “a character weakness”.
this week i am starting some new treatments that i am excited for. i wanted to take a minute this morning, on a day where i am not feeling entirely strong, to write this out.
this isn’t for the people who don’t get it. this is for the people who do. the millions of you who know exactly what i am talking about and how i feel.
i am hopeful for me. i am hopeful for you. for all of us. that we will one day feel free from this and experience it feels like to live in peace.
not if, but when.
keep going.