Zachary Michael

My name comes up second when my wife meets new people. I just enjoy fermenting things.

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

“Ugh, I’ll change into a more activity appropriate fleece” -@anna_halverson

*takes off down coat to play mariokart*

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

Stop daylight savings, my dog is confused, he doesn’t understand what’s going on.

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

(I redownloaded this shit app to post this)
Don’t mess with @annakmichael she will win in the end.

[chump city @meganexcuses]

you either have a front bottoms ex or you are the front bottoms ex

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

All the breweries that use sticker labels on their distro-kegs, I have one question: Why?

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

Breweries are to men, what non-profits are to women. I will not be taking questions at this time.
#TrophyPartner

[Gary Chambers @GaryChambersJr]

My first campaign ad, ‘37 Seconds.’ #JustLikeMe

I hope this ad works to not only destigmatize the use of marijuana, but also forces a new conversation that creates the pathway to legalize this beneficial drug, and forgive those who were arrested due to outdated ideology.

[⚡️ @Kinglegit721]

You from Chicago and still slipping on this ice. Gotta get your balance game up.

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

I just want everyone to know, I am two years sober*.

(* from running)

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

To all the drivers who ride my bumper, do you know how much gas is? I doubt you’re getting the gas mileage I was. So sheeesh

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

Nightly battles with my demons*.

*If Teddy wants to go outside to potty or chase bunnies

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

Any pop or punk song with trumpets in it... that’s the shit I do like!

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

Teddy gaslights me and @annakmichael

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

@murphnturphh He then got up in her face and burped....

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

LET THE RECORD SHOW:
A lady (who had a two year old golden doodle) said “Teddy is so calm”

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

@erin_bergren Wait wait wait, do they live where alligators and/or crocodiles live? One (if not both) digest everything BUT bones

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

My comment: yeah, I’m glad I did that experiment today*

Her response: I wonder what property taxes are out here.

*cut your chicken in strips when using an instant pot**
**follow for more instant pot DIY tricks

[Brandon Wolf @bjoewolf]

Wow. @lyft did not mince words on Texas.

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

This is a ‘6/8 time signature’ friendly Twitter. Please comment your favorite 6/8 piece!

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

🧘🏼‍♂️💤 Anyone want to join Teddy in some yoga classes?🧘🏼‍♀️💤

[Zachary Michael @ZMichaelMichael]

“Stuck in my ways, they say, "How so?”
First n**ga put a bike rack on the Rolls, T”
Is my new favorite lyrics.
@tylerthecreator LEMONHEAD