In 2017, I paid Cards Against Humanity to protect a pristine plot of border land from Trump’s racist wall. But then an even richer, more racist billionaire—Elon Musk—stole my land and dumped his shit all over it. @ElonMusk owes me $100. #ElonOwesMe100Bucks https://t.co/nZHjYSAgFK
Today I watched my son’s soul leave his body as I sang ‘Glory of Love’ loudly in the grocery store while using a can of Annie’s Star Soup as a microphone.
@BourbonBeard Jake, I can’t discuss this movie with you any further. I don’t want to spend the whole day a blubbering mess. If you’ll excuse me I’m going to go watch something with explosions.
@BourbonBeard They trick you into thinking it’s about missing the dad, then at the end they do a switcheroo and reveal it’s actually about brothers and HOLY SHIT I’M CRYING AGAIN!
Just occurred in our house…
Me: Okay, I’m heading upstairs for an ol’ ‘shit, shower, and shave.’
6-year-old son: The old shit, shower-
Me: No! Don’t repeat what I say!
6-year-old son: Why?
Me: Because you don’t shave.
@NealHolman JFC. I found myself getting pretty emotional while reading this. As a 41 year old father of two boys this hit pretty close to home for me. So glad you’re alright, dude.
@bobafettfanclub Would you guys ever make an enamel pin? Now that it’s getting colder I need a cool BFFC pin for my winter jacket! Doesn’t have to be too fancy! Just the helmet and the BFFC logo! TAKE MY MONEY!