Rita Salazar

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.

[Joyce Hill @yxavuzigh]

To do is to be [Descartes]. To be is to do [Voltaire]. Do be do be do [Frank Sinatra].

[Rita Salazar @1992Ignashev]

Listening to someone tell a story and thinking: Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.

[Rita Salazar @1992Ignashev]

Once I put on my headphones, my life becomes a music video.

[Jamie Knights @cherkas74]

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

I tried out this new crazy diet. In just 2 weeks I lost 14 days.

[Rita Salazar @1992Ignashev]

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

[Jean Ross @80Iosafat]

First day of school hoes be like ''OMG , Time for a new start!!'' Bitch please, ain't nobody forget about what you did last year.

[Monica Hill @VityaVorzheva]

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

[Barbara Presley @nazirova1988]

"Because snow isn't cold enough."

[Rita Salazar @1992Ignashev]

He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing.

[Rita Salazar @1992Ignashev]

Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm. ?

[Rita Salazar @1992Ignashev]

That awkward moment when you fail at being mad at someone because they make you laugh.

[Rita Salazar @1992Ignashev]

After an argument, I always think of awesome things I could have said.

[Rita Salazar @1992Ignashev]

Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.

[Janet Potter @zlokazova2016]

Sex is like software: For every one who pays for it there are hundreds getting it for free.

[Rita Salazar @1992Ignashev]

That awesome moment when you're telling a lie and your best friend notices and joins you.

[Christina Merritt @tulintsevav]

The suite life of Zack and Cody: The only show with a smart blonde but a dumb asian.

[Rita Salazar @1992Ignashev]

But Honey, if I stop eating this third bowl of Cap'n Crunch just because the roof of my mouth is bleeding, then the terrorists have won.

[Rita Salazar @1992Ignashev]

Raising kids got a lot easier once I started wearing this lab coat and referring to them as my minions.