Christina Merritt

Stop worrying about someone that isn't worried about you. Never leave your key of happiness in someone else's pocket.

[Victoria Kite @zaytunya]

Females will stop speakin 2 their friends over the littlest things but will forgive the same trifling ass dude a millions times

[Lois Usry @SSanturyan]

I think that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

[Christina Merritt @tulintsevav]

"You've changed" Ummmm actually I think the proper term is "I've stopped trying to please you."

[Christina Merritt @tulintsevav]

"K" = the most powerful way to piss someone off while texting.

[Helen Camp @pdobryashchev]

POLICE OFFICER: "How high are you?" ME: "No officer. It's 'Hi, how are you?'"

[Christina Merritt @tulintsevav]

Biggest lie ever : I accept these terms and conditions.

[Theresa Burch @aksentiymanevi1]

Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

I think that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

[Christina Merritt @tulintsevav]

Back in elementary school, when you were line leader, everyone else was your bitch.

[Christina Merritt @tulintsevav]

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?

[Christina Merritt @tulintsevav]

The suite life of Zack and Cody: The only show with a smart blonde but a dumb asian.

[Christina Merritt @tulintsevav]

Good things WON'T come to those that wait! They have to take the things that are left by those who got there first!

[Karen Castro @87Papach]

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

[Christina Merritt @tulintsevav]

"My memory is so bad..." "How bad is it?" "...How bad is what?"

[Christina Merritt @tulintsevav]

Gave my son a pocketknife & the crybaby cut himself. So I'm dyeing his hair black & disguising him as an emo kid before his mom gets home.

[Betty Knapp @83_klim]

You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in? That's God, playing The Sims, canceling your action.

[Edith Stich @tsvelev78]

"In my defense, Your Honor, humans ARE animals too. Personally, I think you should blame the petting zoo sign for not being more specific."