Teresa Orcutt

Only time can heal your broken heart.

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

Facebook is like my fridge... I know there's nothing there, but I check it every 5 minutes anyway.

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

Reasons why I stop replying: 1. I'm busy 2. you're boring 3. I'm mad 4. you replied with one word 5. I'm on twitter 6. I'm eating

[Elizabeth Conti @platays_zinoviy]

Liking a Facebook status that is clearly about you, because you're a fearless bastard.

[Florence German @84Merkul]

That awkward moment when one twin calls the other twin ugly.

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

Rumors: carried by haters, spread by fools and accepted by ignorants.

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.

[Kelly Mills @AlmyashevagE1]

First day of school hoes be like ''OMG , Time for a new start!!'' Bitch please, ain't nobody forget about what you did last year.

[Diana Collier @LanaTistol]

"Dad, did you know in some countries men don't know their wives till after they get married?"

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

Where do giant spiders play football? At Webley Stadium!

[Carrie Parker @88Yuriya]

American kid: "You're from the UK? Cool! So do you have tea with the Queen?" British kid: "Do you go to McDonalds with Obama?"

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

In kindergarden, anyone who had the 64 color pack with the sharpener ran that muthaf*cking classroom!

[Cristy Osborne @borodak1985]

"Dad, was there colored TV when you were a kid?"

[Charlene Dotson @tsidyakova]

Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

I'm not late boss, I just took my coffee break before coming in.

[Lonnie Hammond @ManizhaZamesova]

Trying to act natural around cops, even when you did nothing wrong.

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

Once you turn 21, you can finally legally do all the things you've been doing since you were 16.

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

Ever been in a situation where you know someone is lying to you, but you sit there waiting to see how far they'll take it?

[Teresa Orcutt @88Ardanova]

Math problems: "Jane bought 72 sofas." BITCH, who the hell would buy 72 sofas?

[Nancy Thomas @ObushevaMs]

Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.