Carrie Parker

Whatever makes u mad, leave it. Whatever makes u feel good, keep it.

[Gerri Dancy @arkannikovafot1]

That awkward moment when you wake up from a power nap and have no idea what day, month, or year it is.

[Amber Frye @F6Kutashovaz]

American kid: "You're from the UK? Cool! So do you have tea with the Queen?" British kid: "Do you go to McDonalds with Obama?"

[Carrie Parker @88Yuriya]

Don't f*ck with someone else relationship just cause you can't stay in one.

[Cristy Osborne @borodak1985]

Guess it's time to do some grocery shopping. A mouse hung itself in my fridge and left a note "I can't live like this..."

[Anne Robinson @76Protas]

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

[Meghan Hatfield @tsykalovadzhem1]

Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.

[Ruby Lemon @U5Eduard]

First Tab: Twitter ... Second Tab: Facebook ... Third Tab: YouTube.

[Carrie Parker @88Yuriya]

American kid: "You're from the UK? Cool! So do you have tea with the Queen?" British kid: "Do you go to McDonalds with Obama?"

[Esther Klima @fmanilo1]

Teacher:How old is your dad.Student:He is as old as I am. Teacher:How is it possible? Student:Because he became a dad only after I was born.

[Carolyn Lloyd @yfadimeS]

Horror movies don't scare me. But eight missed calls from my mom does.

[Carrie Parker @88Yuriya]

I cant stand when people say a baby's age in months after a year old, the parent is like "yeah he's 29 months old. Like, seriously?

[Carrie Parker @88Yuriya]

Teacher: How can we keep our school clean? Student: By staying at home.

[Kelly Patch @kulakovskiyv]

Never fight battles God has already won for you.

[Carrie Parker @88Yuriya]

Phones get thinner and smarter. People get fatter and stupid.

[Carrie Parker @88Yuriya]

I ran into my ex the other day, hit reverse, and ran into him again.

[Carrie Parker @88Yuriya]

I hate when I let people hold my phone, and when I ask for it back. They tell me to hold on, like no bitch give me my sh!t.