Open Source Improv

Completely unplanned, entirely spontaneous, and profoundly silly solo improv comedy by Ryan Millar (@millar). Avatar photo by Seth Carnhill.

[Open Source Improv @1mprov]

The secret to great improv is to wear a mime sombrero in every scene. Never refer to or acknowledge it.

[theleahfiles @leahfiles]

People keep saying Trump term II is the most corrupt administration ever, so I built a model to find out if it was true.

I took the UN's definition of corruption, turned it into eight criteria and 100 points, and scored the leaders history remembers for looting their countries: Marcos, Suharto, Mobutu, Abacha, Obiang, Putin.

Then I put every president since Eisenhower on the same scale, both parties, with every exoneration counted right alongside the convictions.

Nixon scored 41 and no other American President scored over a 25.

Trump's second term scored a 91, which ties him with Suharto and Mobutu and puts him above Marcos and Abacha.

So he is not only the most corrupt president in American history. At this pace he finishes his term level with the most corrupt rulers of the last hundred years.

PSA: don't come in my comments arguing about the results if you haven't read the full article, because ignorance is a choice.

Full article is up now on my Substack (link in bio) and it's free.

[Open Source Improv @1mprov]

@dieworkwear Well this is just added incentive, in addition to enjoying the content

[Open Source Improv @1mprov]

@MsMelChen @CholeraFan They should just make the movie about these two: flamboyant, rakish youngster, and grizzled, embittered SWAT team guy. Folie a deux

[NickFrank40 @NickyFrank30]

My grandfather used to say “and Magda Goebbels made a great strudel” and I never knew what it meant until after he died my grandmother explained some magazine did a fluff interview with Magda Goebbels a few years before WW2 that included her strudel recipe and my grandfather, who hated the Nazis with the passion of 10,000 suns, thought it was an example of the media sanitizing evil people and he would use the phrase when someone asked him to overlook a bad person doing bad things and focus on the good.

[Mario @PawlowskiMario]

Hey MAGA biblicals, can you interpret this?

[James Tate @JamesTate121]

Someone asked "Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?"

Nate White, an articulate and witty writer from England, wrote this magnificent response:

"A few things spring to mind.

Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem.

For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace - all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed.

So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief.

Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing - not once, ever.

I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility - for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman.

But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is - his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty.

Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers.

And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults - he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.

There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface.

Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront.

Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul.

And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist.

Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that.

He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat.

He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege.

And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully.

That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead.

There are unspoken rules to this stuff - the Queensberry rules of basic decency - and he breaks them all. He punches downwards - which a gentleman should, would, could never do - and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless - and he kicks them when they are down.

So the fact that a significant minority - perhaps a third - of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think 'Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that:
* Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are.
* You don't need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man.

This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss.

After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum.

God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid.

He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart.

In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws - he would make a Trump.

And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish:

'My God… what… have… I… created?

If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set."

[dj meep @cockjuring]

john mulaney @ dreamforce set

oh to be there. we should bully tech nerds much more often. they should get cop treatment at this point

[Open Source Improv @1mprov]

I'd love to get these kinda results with *anything*

[Nature is Amazing ☘️ @AMAZlNGNATURE]

Sheep dogs don't get enough credit

[Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel]

A key point missing in a lot of post debate analysis is that Trump’s claim about immigrants eating pets almost perfectly syncs up to the piano in the Peanuts theme song.

[Open Source Improv @1mprov]

@fesshole Great to see you embody the principle of "Cause no trouble"

[Jathan Sadowski @jathansadowski]

Oh I don't know, I think that territory is actually very well charted

[Open Source Improv @1mprov]

✂️

[Brendan May @bmay]

Newly elected members of the French parliament refusing to shake hands with the far right is extremely satisfying. A particular shout out to the rock paper scissors gag.

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

Sure, we all made fun of the Cybertruck’s awful design. But maybe you’ll change your mind when you learn it’s also a lethal disaster on the inside

[Open Source Improv @1mprov]

@mrpetermore Unnecessary but indicative of a broader issue around significance in general

[Colin the Dachshund @DachshundColin]

Bob Cratchit played by a fictitious green frog, despite the character being a Caucasian with pale skin.

[༺ 𐂂 ༻ @touchmoonflower]

A bright and shining example of the suicidal absurdity of technocapitalist society occurs every year at this time, all across the country.
1/n

[Freddie @FreddieBailey96]

The Tories sold our railways.
The Tories sold our water.
The Tories sold our energy.
The Tories sold our oil.
The Tories sold our gas.
The Tories sold our buses.
The Tories sold our Telecommunications.
The Tories are selling our NHS.

But “Labour will put the UK up for sale”….

[Jesse Case @jessecase]

The news is always like: "America has banned wheelchair ramps because they weren't in the Bible. Finland has made ice cream free."

[Open Source Improv @1mprov]

@luxlazuli I'm almost done with episode two. This binge will continue. 💩