emiline rasmussen

retired stilt walker

[swinky @swinkying]

you’re on Very thick ice with me . i love you

[tré easton @treeaston]

things i’m actually scared of as a dc resident:
- tourists
- tourists in red hats
- farragut north
- mass ave during rush hour
- walking outside in july and august
- exiting northwest stadium
- whatever happens in “the bullpen”
- maryland drivers

[Klonopin Centaur @facetedcarapace]

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn't beef there

[:3than @itsflanagain]

Ever since I was a little kid I knew that I wanted to be late for work

[proton @ProtonInspector]

I love that they give the sharks a little window when they take a road trip

[Dave Levinthal @davelevinthal]

The greatest real estate pitch in human history.

[.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin]

my uterine lining is falling out of my body but yes, sir, how may I help you.

[first ethical space cowboy @cowboybecsbop]

“are you fucking stupid?”

me:

[Bri @manyroomsdiary]

I visited a gun shop in Indiana once and had to use the bathroom; inside was a portrait of a naked man with a thick wooden board covering where his private part would be. Curiosity got the best of me and I tried to lift the board. It let off an air horn throughout the whole store

[dean’s blunt @kingkrulegroupi]

when i tell a customer we’re closed and they have to leave

[Alan MacLeod @AlanRMacLeod]

The United States has just vetoed a United Nations Security Council resolution trying to establish a "humanitarian pause" in the onslaught to allow for lifesaving aid to be brought into Gaza.

It was the only country to vote against it.

https://t.co/IRSekyK859

[lexaprofessional @queasy_f_bby]

thinking about dirt cups again

[bug girl @buggirl]

u ever think about how hitchhiking would be sooo cool if men didn’t exist

[tatyana ;) @tatbaee]

abt that time

[ettingermentum @ettingermentum]

have you ever seen somebody who looks like this