mud

i assure you i do not know ball

[mud @420killdozer]

what do u mean i “need” a 401k? i have triple d tits?

[૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა @CBD42O]

this is so hard to explain but theres a bird in my neighborhood i have to confront

[Sewerside Rascal @sewerside4ever]

white ppl be like bro it’s hot as fuck let’s go swim in this fuckin poop water creek right outside the city that has mutated fish in it

[isabella ♱ @swanhoneymoon]

WHAT 😭

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

[on the sideline of someone else’s conversation about the weather] Clouds, the sky’s sentences

[tex @texmeplease]

[stevie nicks at a bake sale]
sell me pies sell me sweet little pies

[Django Gold @django]

watching Indiana Jones for the first time, do archaeologists typically kill this many people?

[jz2 @mixedgrass666]

I love Aging and Getting Older

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

If we can electrify our skin, any insect that attempts to land on us will be electrocuted. This could be revolutionary. Now I haven’t worked out the science yet but I do have a trial set up in my garage using some jumper cables and my mother’s car battery

[mud @420killdozer]

@hell_doe alligators are fine but why not go full crocodile. life is short

[Handsome B. Charming @CTachio83984]

"i was just wondering if your odd behaviour is anything to worry about"

my odd behaviour is nothing to worry about

"ok good"

[cav empty @cavempty_]

when i get anxious for no reason i know it’s because my parallel in another dimension is engaging in a skirmish of some sort. i channel my energy in these moments to give him the fortitude to be victorious

[mud @420killdozer]

forgetting that I put “Graduated from Pooba’s School for Morons” on my linkedin and applying for a job at Lockheed Martin and they instantly hire me

[Llama 🦙 @aka_llamadelrey]

@softcarrotcake They need to put this in the next edition of the DSM

[ирис @saltwatermp3]

I perform funeral rites in my head for every dead animal on the side of the road I leave no one unburied

[mud @420killdozer]

libra moons be like I think I need to find a way to balance the balance

[mud @420killdozer]

shelling out for a new phone and then losing all of my drafts is way fucking worse than the library of alexandria getting burned so jot that down

[mud @420killdozer]

pronouncing pizza like ibiza

[mud @420killdozer]

I have debilitating adhd but when I’m on adderall I become both an unstoppable force and an immovable object

[mud @420killdozer]

👹🗡️🦭 (me vanquishing my demons)

[mud @420killdozer]

I could not imagine owning a ford fiesta let alone driving around in it