Laurel Felder

11

[Melissa Robinson @81Fil]

Scientists say vanilla is the most erotic smell to men.

[Laurel Felder @85Azaliya]

Those girls on "My Super Sweet 16" that get pissed when daddy buys them the wrong car. B*tch, I don't even have a bike.

[Laurel Felder @85Azaliya]

Leonardo DiCaprio never died in Titanic. Last scene: Him going underwater. First Scene in Inception: him waking up on a beach.

[Laurel Felder @85Azaliya]

Those who say they "sleep like a baby", haven't got one.

[Laurie Yohe @GelsemMega]

That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can't stop smiling like an idiot..

[Michele Gose @sasnozmono]

Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.

[Laurel Felder @85Azaliya]

I got pulled over for drunk driving... but honestly, in my defence, I didn't even know I was driving.

[Crystal English @knyazhukn]

If you dont know shit, dont say shit.

[Laurel Felder @85Azaliya]

When someone tells you to, "expect the unexpected", slap them in the face and ask them if they expected it.

[Lonnie Hammond @ManizhaZamesova]

It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.

[Cara Rivera @rutatolstonoso1]

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

[Laurel Felder @85Azaliya]

My wife does bird imitations. She always watches me like hawk.

[Cynthia Harris @Smiyanenko924]

Everything is funny as hell when its not happening to you.

[Laurel Felder @85Azaliya]

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

[Anita Rosas @uchik1983]

They don't create locks without keys... That's why God doesn't give you problems without solutions.

[Laurel Felder @85Azaliya]

wish my summer vacation was as long as Phineas & Ferb's.

[Laurel Felder @85Azaliya]

I'm worried, I'm stressed, I'm confused but I have God that will make the right things happen so it will all be alright.

[Laurel Felder @85Azaliya]

What do atheists do with their money? Surely they don't carry anything around that says, "In God we Trust"!