Denise Cordes

A morning text doesn't only mean good morning. It also means I think about you when I wake up

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

If you're talking behind my back you're in a good position to kiss my ass.

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

[Maribel Church @1995Sudov]

Gave my son a pocketknife & the crybaby cut himself. So I'm dyeing his hair black & disguising him as an emo kid before his mom gets home.

[Tammy Harvey @81Slepko]

Gave my son a pocketknife & the crybaby cut himself. So I'm dyeing his hair black & disguising him as an emo kid before his mom gets home.

[Sylvia Kearney @pasykin]

By the time you realize, what your parents said was RIGHT You'll have kids who begin to think you're WRONG.

[Maria Hampton @MechislavPepkin]

That awkward moment, when someone get hurt and you laugh ,then you realize that its serious.

[Margret Allison @2016Telyuk]

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

It's not hard to find someone who tells you they love you, Its Hard To find someone who actually means it.

[Sheryl Carlson @patrikiykolmag1]

There are two kinds of bitches who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

Being Addicted to sex is like being addicted to pizza. When its good its great, but when its bad, its still pretty good.

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

Me: "Dad, how does it feel having an awesome son?" Dad: "I don't know, ask your grandpa."

[Theresa Burch @aksentiymanevi1]

Skype Conversations: 5% Hey, how are you? 95% CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?!

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

Age 10: I whip my hair back &forth Age 16: I pass my blunt back &forth Age 30:I drive my kids back &forth Age 80:I rock my chair back &forth

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

When I say the other day, it can mean any time from yesterday to 364 days ago.

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with those automatic coupon takers at the supermarket.

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

I hate it when I say something funny, and then someone says it louder and gets all the credit.

[Nanci Hebert @FlorentinSuper]

That awkward moment when you accidentally make eye contact with someone like 5 times.

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

[Sara Clancy @94Gorbashko]

Unicorns can't fly. I can't fly. Therefore, I am a unicorn.

[Denise Cordes @85Zosima]

I hate when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn't follow the script.