Abby Duke

I put red wine blends in my camelback #notanad

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

@SenAlexander @realDonaldTrump @senatemajldr You are a disgrace to the Republican Party (that has since been ruined by this Presidency) and a hypocrite in its purest form. You are now part of the reason the GOP has lost any shred of decency and integrity it once held so dearly. Shame on you to put politics over country.

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

Is it bad if I ate 3 hotdogs directly after watching Okja?

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

Person heard me talking to myself on the CTA platform. I gestured to my headphones to act like I was on a call. But she got in the same train car as me. Now I’m on min 14 of a convo with my bff “Stacey” abt dating anxiety. It’s actually been nice...for Stacey.

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

I just said “improv” and “angst” in the same tweet. Plz unfollow immediately

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

I’m going through some improv angst ok give me a moment

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

Gah! Improvisers are like sperm, 40 million bad ones for every 1 OK one that will still disappoint w/ time

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

Also yeah ok this is the first time I've tweeted since September. Feeling cute, might delete later.

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

Will someone plz tell this raggedy-assed sky that we've had enough of his dandruff

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

@_abbeyjean Duke: I truly have zero idea

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

@Propllrhead This is our year!

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

You're a sociopath if you say the word “frittata” w/o pronouncing every t.

It is not "tada" it is "tata" like the way Cheryl from boozy Bunco refers to her breast.

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

VOLS fans, u wearing ur tear-stained 98’ shirt?

What are we saying today?

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

RT if most of your sex-ed came from The Sims 2

[John Mulaney @mulaney]

May you live a thousand years. https://t.co/0uKOEV5akR

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

@b_banks14 Yes

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

Need help w/ my sexuality: What’s the label for only being attracted to rich people?

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

@Classic_Clark Strategic*

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

*Naked, wrapped in bath towel*

Woman: I wish this dress had pockets

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

Yes, Uber eats, I’ll pay this $5.99 delivery fee but not before I whisper “who the hell do u think u are” so u know how I feel

[Abby Duke @AbbyDuke_]

U ever go to google how to start a 401(k) but type in “pizza near me” instead?