Alan Starzinski

actor, comedian, writer, and taller than @robertdowneyjr SAG-AFTRA strike captain (he/they) IG: @alanstarzinski

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

So last year I stopped going to therapy b/c my therapist got drunk and DMed me on Instagram... these are those DMs

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

@NYCMayor @NBA @LinkNYC Make his ass pay property tax for this shit.

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning “Knicks in five”.

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

@spencerpratt Bro, you are a loser

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

@nickshirleyy Because all the votes weren’t counted yet you absolute shit fuck

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

@elonmusk You are gay

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

Trump gave the Knicks the worst vibe possible. That clown needs to be banned from the garden.

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

@elonmusk You are so fucking stupid and evil

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

Fat Joe needs to change his name to “Joezempic”.

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

I’m surprised Trump is supporting the Knicks because the Spurs got him out of going to Vietnam.

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

No one else is worried

[The Washington Post @washingtonpost]

Trump assassination jokes are spiking. Experts worry they promote actual violence.

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

@PollTracker2024 A beautiful thing

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

@spencerpratt You don’t have any plans except complaint you fat baby looking bigot

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

The only thing stupider than @spencerpratt is voting for Spencer Pratt.

[Jessica Burbank @JessicaLBurbank]

We should not fight the burglars. They already got inside

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

@elonmusk You are such and unbelievably racist piece of shit

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

Someone got a very big paycheck from an AI company recently!

[Variety @Variety]

#Cannes jury member Demi Moore says we need to "find ways" to work with AI:

"Against-ness breeds against-ness. AI is here. So to fight it is to fight a battle that we will lose. So to find ways that we can work with it is a valuable path that we can take."

[Katherine Argent @effthealgorithm]

Search is full of ads and wrong answers. Every other email is an ad. Prime Video charges you and shows ads. Paramount? Ads. Peacock? YouTube? Hulu? Ads followed by more ads. Netflix full of ads. Meta and X, every other thing is an ad. Pinterest is nothing but ads. AI is in everything. AI finishes sentences incorrectly and won’t stop. AI reads your email and search history to target you with more ads. Every time you open an app or visit a site there’s an update making it worse. In a hurry? First, click here to agree to terms you don’t have time to read and must accept. You need an account to do that. Change your temporary password. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email and enter that code. Now use a passkey. Your password is too simple to remember. Change it. No, not like that. Now log on. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email for a code… Welcome back! We’ve updated our terms of service and privacy policy (you have none). Subscribe to the site. Subscribe to Netflix. Subscribe to toilet paper. Subscribe to these groceries. Pay a membership fee for the right to subscribe then tip your driver who delivers the subscriptions your membership lets you subscribe to. Time to work? We’ve got to update your laptop and will slow down everything you do until you agree to update. But first, click here to agree. Update installed — your laptop’s broken now. It doesn’t matter, since your boss just replaced you with AI. Go to your phone to complain on social media. Wait, your phone needs an update so we can add more AI. Click here. Oh sorry, your phone can’t handle this update. Now it’s useless. Go get the newest phone. Here’s a text from a friend, an email, a voice mail they left three days ago but you didn’t see until now because of sync problems with the cloud. It’s their GoFundMe. Their MLM. Their Patreon. Never mind, you didn’t respond to their text within 9 minutes and now you’re no longer friends. They blocked you. Make new friends. Download this app to find people in your area. In your neighborhood. On your street. Two doors down from you. Do you know this person yet, we think you’d get along. You need an account to use this app. That username is taken. Enter a password. Not that one, you used it on another site. You need to be connected to WiFi to download the app. Allow the app to connect to other devices on your network. Allow the app to access your contacts, know your precise location, store your credit card details. Oops, sorry, we got hacked now all that info is available on the web. There’s a class action suit. You can join. It’ll take a decade to get your $3.73 share of the ten billion settlement. We’ll send it via PayPal or deposit it to your bank, just tell us those details. Oh no, another hack. That info is circulating now, too. Here’s a spam call, a spam email, a spam text. Why are you angry? Why are you talking about getting rid of your phone? Why don’t you like AI, it lets us make all of this easier? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? This is progress. You’ll be left behind. Do you want to be left behind? Do you???

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

Buying your rich friend a drink, is the human equivalent of when a cat brings its owner a dead bird.

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

@MeghanMcCain Wow. Can’t believe you’ve betrayed your father’s legacy kneeling to this bullshit.

[Alan Starzinski @Alanstarzinski]

If this happens I will 100% finally cancel my Amazon prime membership.

[Yashar Ali 🐘 @yashar]

NEWS via WSJ

Amazon executives are discussing a reboot of The Apprentice, with the possibility of casting Donald Trump Jr. as the host.

Full Story: https://t.co/Pfc57U68bI