big al

i look good as your dad on a friday

[Staal @Red_Staal]

im so fucking lost

[SoaR Mak @makz]

the man in the mirror

[lil arab @sweatyhairy]

facebook status 2009: no one on the corner has swagga like us :P

facebook status 2019: ...and the funeral will be held at 2100 shorebrooke lane. light refreshments will be served.

[Silly Stu @sillystu4u]

pitbull was right. fire ball

[Kevin Finnerty @timeimmemorial_]

6yo me seeing if my friend can come out to play

[romance book containing "nephews to uncles" trope @mind_probiotic]

me: wow! *cough* this soup has a real kick to it *cough* it really tingles the throat

the fly i almost swallowed hanging on to my uvula for dear life:

[Jonah Weiner @jonahweiner]

Fellas, be careful when your grizzled mentor breaks into a coughing fit, holds his napkin to his mouth and it comes away bloody — he *will* say, “It’s nothing, kid,” there *will* be a cut to his funeral, and you *will* wonder if the simpler world that produced him is dying, too

[JP @jpbrammer]

as a child I would have ruined the mood aboard the polar express

[Justin Morissette 👊🏻 @JustinMoris]

objectively very funny, sorry

[Nate Wolff @proffwolff]

doomed whaling voyage

[microplastics nanobubbler @facetedcarapace]

taking out Jabba's Sail Barge from Star Wars with a couple coolers of ice old beers and some bluntts would go crazy hard right now

[Ken Bone @kenbone18]

For everyone cheering on the crackdowns at the university protests, don't forget the ketchup.

[Rusty 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @ImSmilingRn]

My dates usually turn into fry or leela or the professor

[. @grimxreefr]

Stop eating gruel with the fools and come eat wings with the king

[Greg Gallant @GallantGreg]

Wife just asked if she could read me a poem while I was watching the game like she’s the villain in a beer commercial

[ٍ @horsepower]

Here is a twin turbo 2005 Dodge Ram 1500 SRT-10 (It has a built V10 from the Dodge Viper) that makes over 1,000 horsepower AND has an Xbox 360 in the back connected to two TVs. This thing rules.