Alan Hora

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

I just found @NBCSuperstore and it’s genuinely funny, but that voice that you’re making @Mark_DMcKinney do is fingernails-on-a-chalkboard for me.

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

@shoptemu It’s St. Patrick’s Day, not St. Patric’s Day, and that’s a Leprechaun not a Gnome, but thanks for celebratin’! =)

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

Shame on you, @postcereals for harassing @okgo No Post products for me until they get an apology.

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

@JimNorton Passing through Tulsa today — I can’t be the first one to have seen:
Jim Norton’s T-Town, where the customer gets… a little something extra.

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

@BenningtonShow @GailAaann #fezwhatley So many good memories, *years* behind the wheel listening and laughing -- I will put on Free Bird tonight and have a good cry... Perhaps picturing Ron putting on your old motorcycle leathers and enjoying one of your favorite cigars.

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

Long, *long* overdue.

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

@pattonoswalt Some day, a kid and a crazy, wild-eyed old man, who *claims* to be a scientist might come sniffing around, and if they do...

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

Go Billy!

[Bill Burr @billburr]

King of Staten Island trailer!

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

*Watches old TV shows*

I bet a lot of time travel to the 1960’s ends in suicide.

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

@avast_antivirus
Computer: *Sits completely idle for 10 days*
Me: *Tries to do something*
Avast: HOLD ON YOU CUNTS, I HAVE TO CHECK ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING, RIGHT THIS SECOND. SHOULDN'T TAKE MORE THAN 100% OF AVAILABLE DISK AND PROCESSOR POWER FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE.

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

Hey @Wendys, how many times a day do people ask, “Do you have Italian salad dressing?” before begrudgingly accepting that vinaigrette crap? Asking for everyone who -would- eat your salads, but don’t.

[“Deathless” Keith Blalöck 🤘 @KeithBlalockPW]

@peta Someone finally managed to bridge the division in our country! Kudos, #PETA!

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

Detangled, Silky and Shiny? Tail-waggin' good?

[Brian Brushwood @shwood]

I just got out of the shower, and discovered that for the past week I've been bathing my entire body with dog shampoo.

Erm... how should I be feeling?

[Al Yankovic @alyankovic]

Thrilled to wake up this morning to find that I’ve got a GRAMMY NOMINATION!!! “Squeeze Box: The Complete Works of ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic” is up for “Best Boxed or Special Limited Edition Package.” Huge thanks to the Grammy voters, and my co-art directors Meghan Foley and @aniistoll

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

@kingstontech This A400 series units are reserved for “Prime” members only. I was very interested in the 120 GB one for an old laptop. https://t.co/sI2Wdrlrm5

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

Hey @kingstontech, @amazonca was holding the Kingston SSD drive that I wanted hostage for Prime members only, so I went with a Crucial unit from NewEgg instead. You guys are all cool with that, right?

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

@DaneCook Workers come to remove the DeLorean wreckage. The new guy gets them to let him take it home. He finds $$$ and a copy of Doc’s notes. It’s all in code, but because of the 50’s era time circuit, he’s able to reverse engineer enough to get it going. Destination time: Oct. 26, 1985

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

@Sethrogen @KennedyJonesTHO Yeah, but can you imagine?

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

Hey @RyderSystemInc Consider forwarding your breakdown customer service lines to a rival company. The net effect would be the same, but it would save me time and you money.

[Alan Hora @Alhora]

@raphaelorlove Corolla from the west coast? Pfft! You need a Celica from Ottawa!