August

I do what I want.

My tweets:

[August @AuggieInCharge]

No thanks Twitter, I don't want to find people I know on this app.That's kind of the opposite of how I use it.

[The 21st Century SAHM @21stcenturysahm]

Having multiple kids is weird. You have one kid you could trust to be home alone for a whole weekend & you know they’d eat vegetables, lock the doors, & wash the dishes.

Then you have another kid who is not allowed to hold an umbrella.

And they’re almost the same age.

[Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy]

I don't why it happens but one day coleslaw suddenly tastes good.

[⭐️IT GIRL⭐️ @aliyahInterlude]

i saw this tiktok & it was saying how social media makes ppl faceles so you think getting 50 likes is bad, but if 50 ppl were to say they like u in person that is actually HELLA PPL

[Lil Bit 🌈 @LizerReal]

can someone tell me what breed this is?

[Blotto @Sc0tt0Blotto]

I used to raise hell, drink, and party. Now I’m really into meal planning.

[Lemuel Lyes @LemuelLyes]

Last month I did the unthinkable and finally threw out that box of unloved cables that I've dragged with me through adulthood.

Today I realised that I needed one of them and have no idea how to find a replacement.

CONSIDER THIS A WARNING TO YOU ALL

[Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ @maryfairybobrry]

11- *Loudly chewing*
Me- Did you really bite into a pear and leave it on my bed?
11- *Still chewing* No
Me- Did you have a pear?
11- No I only had a bite
Me- *Screams internally*

[smerobin @smerobin]

Once the dog realized that I controlled the Roomba, it was all over, I was the leader of the pack.

[Arlan 👊🏾 @ArlanWasHere]

I’ve done the math, and you can’t see this too many times.

[August @AuggieInCharge]

No boss, I will not give you access to remote wipe my personal phone so I can receive work emails on it and man do you overestimate how much I wanna read them

[Marissa ☀️🌻💛 @michimama75]

When I say “let me check my schedule”, I really mean “let me check my kid’s schedule”.