Austin

A consumer and enjoyer of many products

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

Discussing knives and hammers call that guy talk
I’m nice with the hammer call me Gaitok

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

At the bar going gremlin mode (muttering incoherently, smoking inside, not paying)

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

Shitfaced 1800s doctor about to amputate my leg: Gnnah bite down on this're Rag (handing me bloody rag) But ya might wannna a Drinjk this here bottleah n l take the edge offa- (tossing me flask)

Me: (gagging bc i only like seltzers but trying to look cool) It's smooth ,

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

$11 and $14 are the same amount of money to me, but $14 and $17 could not be more different

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

Running some aarons

[Drop Site @DropSiteNews]

CNN panelists Van Jones, Alyssa Farah Griffin, and longtime Democratic strategist David Axelrod all agree on at least one key reason for Kamala Harris’s loss: “The fear about Israel not being protected—there was never a response from the campaign on that.”

This, despite Harris’s full military and political support for Israel’s ongoing 13-month genocide in Gaza.

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

Walking around at the diddy party with a trench coat and giant magnifying glass looking for evidence against celebrities. I accidentally get roped into the inspector gadget themed room

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

If Kamala wants to win she needs to focus on issues that matter to Gen Z voters, like protecting the legality and possibly increasing options of flavored Zyn

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

Double ipa in the cup holder. Titanic queued on the tablet. Time to do some driving.

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

You breathe a little CO2 on a nice summer’s eve and all the sudden every mosquito in town knows your address. Where were you in the winter my boy?? Sick of fake friends !

[Thomas White @len0killer]

Give it a try! #GregAbbottChallenge

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

@AshDiggs_ I’ll be there, and I’ll be ordering a little “OJ” of my own. Large please!

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

Instead of buying stocks this year, consider investing in yourself. Dance in the rain. Kiss passionately. Eat two pieces of cake. Buy dogecoin. Take that vacation. Get scammed out of your life savings. Sleep in. Put yourself first

[extremely ill man in sewer drain @sludge_worm]

Everyone in hysterics: Twitter is ending! It's going down it's all over! Nooo no no no No more Twitter 😢

Jamaican-coded Alien who landed in my backyard: I came dim down tah dat eart' in me UFO tah try one dem dere Goga Golas

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

Okay thanks so much for coming in! We’ll talk to the team and be in touch soon. Do you have any questions for us?

Me: Yes actually. (I fumble with my phone and then play an incoherent two minute audio clip at full volume) Did you hear yanny or laurel?

[bobby @bobby]

i don’t think i’ll ever get a haircut again without thinking about this video. i’m gonna be eighty years old going Haircut Haircut Yeah I Got A Haircut

[ethan @ejkop]

Easily my favorite

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

(Running) the dropkick murphys fuckin rule haha
(Hiking) the crunch of snow against Bruce Hornsby’s beautiful soundscapes connects me with feelings I thought were gone forever

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

@AshDiggs_ 2 heady toppers in and my shit flopping

[Austin @Austin_Pine]

@AshDiggs_ “Hey, that tickles detective!”