Peter Parker

❝My special skills include breaking noses, baking cookies, and occasionally saving the world.❞ (Parody/RP)

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

❝If you don't want to see me throw this guy out a window you should probably turn around.❞

• Name: Peter R. Parker
• Earth-5637
• Moral compass slightly skewed
• Occupation: O̶S̶C̶O̶R̶P̶'s̶ l̶a̶b̶ r̶a̶t̶, v̶i̶g̶i̶l̶a̶n̶t̶e̶, 𝘚𝘱𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳-𝘔𝘢𝘯

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

A skeleton on a flaming motorcycle just drove by because welcome to New York I guess

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

Please don't shoot me in this one.

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

Watching Tony and Steve do their little bantery back and forth is so tiring. Either kiss each other or get Civil War 5: Avengers Endlessgame over with already

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

Watching Tony and Steve do their little bantery back and forth is so tiring. Either kiss each other or get Civil War 5: Avengers Endlessgame over with already

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

Shielding my eyes.

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

Of course;

he can afford to bribe the Chuck E. Cheese staff, but won't cover my therapy bill after the time he made me watch him feed chicken nuggets to a chicken.

Oh yeah and the time he tried to cut my foot off

[Deanna Black @TheWildling]

… there was literally footage on the internet of him handing the cameraman and the workers a fat stack a piece and telling them how it burned down mysteriously and that was what they should tell the cops.

Super mysterious indeed.

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

Oh yes. Very mysterious.

[Deanna Black @TheWildling]

The one that "mysteriously burned down"?

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

I sent one to Tony Stark but all he did was mail me back a stress ball with my own face on it.

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

I was going to send Deadpool the bill for my therapy, but the only address I could find listed for him corresponded to a Chuck E. Cheese

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

I was going to send Deadpool the bill for my therapy, but the only address I could find listed for him corresponded to a Chuck E. Cheese

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

//gonna rework and post Peter R's backstory when I'm finally home in two days

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

//fun fact: been working at a fine arts camp all summer and the band is playing the Avengers main theme at their final concert

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

//fun fact: been working at a fine arts camp all summer and the band is playing the Avengers main theme at their final concert

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

I bet I'd be rich if I sold multiversal timeshares.

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

In some worlds, OSCORP eventually created a program dedicated to cloning and producing salmon for the restoration of the population.

RIP my Earth's salmon, I guess.

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

I've consulted with a few of my multiverse counterparts, and we've found a truckload of differences caused by me...y'know. Un-aliving everyone at OSCORP.

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

I've consulted with a few of my multiverse counterparts, and we've found a truckload of differences caused by me...y'know. Un-aliving everyone at OSCORP.

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

Amazing new team-up idea: someone else does all the work while I sit back and eat garlic bread.

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

Platonic...moronic...one of the 'onic's.

[Deadpool @PooloftheDead]

Changing the rules after saying yes isn't very good sportsmanship.

What do you tell people about our team-ups? That they're platonic?

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

The scientist in me is curious, but the part of me that prefers not to be lasered to smithereens is concerned.

[Deanna Black @TheWildling]

I mean… it was kind of a doomsday laser.

Pretty cool. Definitely not something I trust the boys in blue to store properly, though.

Dunno if it even works, really.

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

Was it something cool?

[Deanna Black @TheWildling]

Does theft really count if you only take from bad guys, who likely took it from someone else?

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

It's hard to have a secret identity when your first debut involved swinging butt naked through the city.

[Peter Parker @BL00DSPlDER]

Here. Catch.