F. Lee Badger, Esq.

“Honey Badger lawyer don’t care, Honey Badger lawyer don’t give a writ...”

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! (I honestly don’t remember, but Twitter gave me this nice readymade tweet, so I didn’t want to waste it. Besides, someone might want to celebrate by giving me a few cobras.)
#MyTwitterAnniversary

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@WalterWhiteRab1 @ililita @Cori_Sigma @A_affirmations @LolaKittySLC @MochaIvory @RatesDaGoldfish @MzspellDena @dot_cocoa @GeneralCattis @RuvvyMyLuvvy @grandpappydeath @TREEIAmTree @SIgrew @ForgedInFur @IAmBoxTheBox @IAMSHOUTY We’re having trouble finding an experienced producer, Walter. No one trusts you to honor the indemnification clause in the contract. We’re going to have to go with someone looking for their big break, preferably someone with access to a lot of cobras. Ideas, @RatesDaGoldfish?

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@A_affirmations @LMarqusee @KatsKitties @GeneralCattis Yes, I do. There’s obviously a case for both compensatory and punitive damages and if we get the right judge (i.e. one I can intimidate with cobras), we might also be able to get Callie extra treats for life.

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@A_affirmations In what locality is opening a cabinet a crime? What law specifically states a cat isn’t allowed to open a cabinet door? Say nothing further about committing a “crime,” Miss Azure. No illegal activity has taken place.

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

Not hiring me as your lawyer. (My rates are very reasonable if you don’t mind paying in cobras.) #TerribleLegalAdvice

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@RatesDaGoldfish @GeneralCattis @A_affirmations @WalterWhiteRab1 @cocoa_dot Thank you, Mr. President. My clients are certainly moving up in the world. Wow—Attorney General? I accept. I’m assuming this will mean a much bigger office, so I can finally expand my collection of cobra terrariums. I believe in growing my own food.

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@grandpappydeath @WalterWhiteRab1 @GeneralCattis @RatesDaGoldfish Medusa hair? I thought that was only a legend. I look forward to our meeting, Grim. Why am I so hungry now?

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@WalterWhiteRab1 @GeneralCattis @RatesDaGoldfish @grandpappydeath Walter, I came across some very interesting information while doing preliminary research for this case. You may be right when you say Rates is made of money—which means I may have to raise his retainer fee.

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@WalterWhiteRab1 @GeneralCattis @RatesDaGoldfish @grandpappydeath Of course. I knew you couldn’t possibly be asking me to commit homicide. I don’t do that sort of thing. However, I do have a former brother-in-law that might consider it if the cobras were right.

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@MelvinJ75085444 @MzspellDena @RatesDaGoldfish @WalterWhiteRab1 @grandpappydeath @GeneralCattis Is it my fault that I have yet to find a lady honey badger who appreciates my fierce loyalty and my Cobra Cabernet Flambé?

(sings) 🎶 I can bring home the cobra, fry it up in a pan...And never let you forget honey badgers don’t give a damn... 🎶

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@MelvinJ75085444 @MzspellDena @RatesDaGoldfish @WalterWhiteRab1 @grandpappydeath @GeneralCattis I don’t have hands. I have claws. Insults mean nothing to me. I have 237 ex-wives. I’ve heard it all.

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@grandpappydeath @WalterWhiteRab1 @RatesDaGoldfish @GeneralCattis Yes, it does. My new tree house was previously owned by squirrels and has a nut storage area. That would be perfect for a snake pit. I’m sure my future ex-wife, whoever it is, will love it for the three or so days we’re married.

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@RatesDaGoldfish @WalterWhiteRab1 @grandpappydeath @GeneralCattis Don’t worry, I can represent both of you. This will never see the inside of a courtroom; we’ll work this out in mediation. It will go much faster because I’ll be the only attorney present. Trust me.

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@WalterWhiteRab1 @RatesDaGoldfish @grandpappydeath @GeneralCattis So you want to file a lawsuit against Rates for the loss of your Russian asset, Andrei, correct? Are we just going after loss of income or are we also seeking punitive damages for pain and suffering? Do all the Nestors get an allowance? We could sue them, too.

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@grandpappydeath @WalterWhiteRab1 @RatesDaGoldfish @GeneralCattis Did you say damned? Just because I was out looking for my next ex-wife is no reason to go hellfire and brimstone on me. Hellfire wouldn’t work for me. I can’t cook cobras that way. Cook a cobra too long and it tastes like a garter snake and no one has the billable hours for that.

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@timzmom @A_affirmations @Sergeant_Meow @lacscully A military man? I like that. It always looks impressive when they wear their uniform with all the ribbon and medal things on it to court. Is the son in the military? Does the son still have his head? A uniform isn’t going to help if there’s not a head on top of it.

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@TheeJinxyJinx @IAMSHOUTY @GeneralCattis @ililita @LolaKittySLC @dot_cocoa @YukiandHana2 @MzspellDena @WalterWhiteRab1 Nine plus several? Walter, Taco is going to need to make a Petco run. Does he still have that coat with lots of pockets?

[F. Lee Badger, Esq. @BadgerEsq]

@IAMSHOUTY @GeneralCattis @ililita @LolaKittySLC @TheeJinxyJinx @dot_cocoa @YukiandHana2 @MzspellDena There’s a new court? The #KittySupremeCourt? How many judges? Nine? Nine, right? @WalterWhiteRab1, call Taco. We’re going to need to arrange some welcome “gifts” for the new bench. Does anyone know if anyone likes cobra pate?