Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! (I honestly don’t remember, but Twitter gave me this nice readymade tweet, so I didn’t want to waste it. Besides, someone might want to celebrate by giving me a few cobras.)
#MyTwitterAnniversary
@A_affirmations@LMarqusee@KatsKitties@GeneralCattis Yes, I do. There’s obviously a case for both compensatory and punitive damages and if we get the right judge (i.e. one I can intimidate with cobras), we might also be able to get Callie extra treats for life.
@A_affirmations In what locality is opening a cabinet a crime? What law specifically states a cat isn’t allowed to open a cabinet door? Say nothing further about committing a “crime,” Miss Azure. No illegal activity has taken place.
@RatesDaGoldfish@GeneralCattis@A_affirmations@WalterWhiteRab1@cocoa_dot Thank you, Mr. President. My clients are certainly moving up in the world. Wow—Attorney General? I accept. I’m assuming this will mean a much bigger office, so I can finally expand my collection of cobra terrariums. I believe in growing my own food.
@WalterWhiteRab1@GeneralCattis@RatesDaGoldfish@grandpappydeath Walter, I came across some very interesting information while doing preliminary research for this case. You may be right when you say Rates is made of money—which means I may have to raise his retainer fee.
@WalterWhiteRab1@GeneralCattis@RatesDaGoldfish@grandpappydeath Of course. I knew you couldn’t possibly be asking me to commit homicide. I don’t do that sort of thing. However, I do have a former brother-in-law that might consider it if the cobras were right.
@grandpappydeath@WalterWhiteRab1@RatesDaGoldfish@GeneralCattis Yes, it does. My new tree house was previously owned by squirrels and has a nut storage area. That would be perfect for a snake pit. I’m sure my future ex-wife, whoever it is, will love it for the three or so days we’re married.
@RatesDaGoldfish@WalterWhiteRab1@grandpappydeath@GeneralCattis Don’t worry, I can represent both of you. This will never see the inside of a courtroom; we’ll work this out in mediation. It will go much faster because I’ll be the only attorney present. Trust me.
@WalterWhiteRab1@RatesDaGoldfish@grandpappydeath@GeneralCattis So you want to file a lawsuit against Rates for the loss of your Russian asset, Andrei, correct? Are we just going after loss of income or are we also seeking punitive damages for pain and suffering? Do all the Nestors get an allowance? We could sue them, too.
@grandpappydeath@WalterWhiteRab1@RatesDaGoldfish@GeneralCattis Did you say damned? Just because I was out looking for my next ex-wife is no reason to go hellfire and brimstone on me. Hellfire wouldn’t work for me. I can’t cook cobras that way. Cook a cobra too long and it tastes like a garter snake and no one has the billable hours for that.
@timzmom@A_affirmations@Sergeant_Meow@lacscully A military man? I like that. It always looks impressive when they wear their uniform with all the ribbon and medal things on it to court. Is the son in the military? Does the son still have his head? A uniform isn’t going to help if there’s not a head on top of it.