Benjamin Hess

I was born upside and backwards.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@NeebsOfficial @SeaOfThieves This would be fantastic.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@LauraRenee1981 @realDonaldTrump Colored folks, probably

[Nathan Hart @ComicNathanHart]

Maybe this happened because we all said "fuck you 2016" and time is more sensitive than we thought

Lets try this.

2017, I forgive you

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

We live in a world where rich, white men commodify and profit from art that protests their own existence. Which is blinder? Love? Greed? Me because I just bit into a pepperoncini and it squirted into my eye?

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

All I'm saying is the only reason I totally understand our president's Twitter feed is because I too, suffer from serious and destructive mental health issues.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@SirIsaacNewland Every knockout begins with kaaaaayyyy

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@SenatorRisch I can't believe I voted for you. Spineless coward.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@LouiseMensch What about Regulators? "It was a clear black night with a clear white moon, kleptocrats on the streets, tryin' to consume"

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@iamaroadtrip TBF welcome break from the "is Trump indicted" Twitter squal happening right now

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@iamaroadtrip Okay, what's going on here? Top halves winter/bottom halves summer? I need some consistency.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@tvgirl222 @painter_nancy @ericgarland holy shit. apt.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@nobodyhere23 @aliasvaughn @politicususa Exactly. Who is this writer, who are the sources? I could just make this shit up myself. I pray it's true, but I doubt it.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@MollyMcKew From one Idahoan to another: So perfectly and succinctly put.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@mikeyface it's layers all the way down.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

@HeathHarmison As a veteran, thanks for doing this. Deployment sucks and you have no idea how good this kind've thing is for morale.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

Just because I love my new job doesn't mean I'm off the "AUTOMATE EVERYTHING" band wagon. Especially if the wagon is self-driving.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

It has been 2848 days since @SeanHannity offered to undergo waterboarding for charity as proof that it's not torture.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

"Labyrinth" sequel in the works? Better be practical. Although, I will allow one badly rendered owl.

[Benjamin Hess @BenHessComedy]

I just got a great job opportunity who wants to lend me money so I can celebrate?! Jk, I actually have to get up on time.